Hot.Asian.Men

The Model

2012-02-24T20:07:00.000+08:00

A few years a go I met a guy I just called "The Model" mainly because he told me he was a model. He knew two words in English: model and fuck. I may have taught him the second, I can't remember now. He was tall, thin and in my very drunken state, ridiculously good looking. Actually in hindsight he wasn't that good looking but it didn't really matter as I was usually drunk when I saw him.

We first met in a seedy underground (not underground in an indie rock kind of way, just literally underground) student club. It was about 3am in the morning and I was slaughtered. I'd been drinking for a solid 6 hours with work colleagues and I thought I looked hot. In fact, I probably looked like a big old mess but apparently confidence attracts men who think they're are "models". I was feeling him up like there was no tomorrow, I may have even tried to take his shirt off on the dance floor. What can I say, I am full of class?

Over a course of several months we met up now and then. He was always out which I later put two and two together that he was likely a "duck"/male prostitute/drink whore. Basically a drink whore gets commission on the amount of alcohol they get patrons to buy at the clubs where they're employed. It's usually done by females but some entrepreneurial managers do employ guys to do this as well (they're a lot of lonely married women, it's a good strategy!) He always kept up the facade that he was a male model though, not a man whore. He did have a fascination with taking photos and would pose at any opportunity. It was quite funny. Maybe he did model but he obviously wasn't a good one....

The last time I saw him before I left China at that particular time it was New Year's Eve. He was rotten drunk and I was just drunk. I allowed him to give me a New Year's pash but soon "lost" him as I didn't want him to come home with me. I wasn't going to pay for the taxi, only to have him pass out on me! He called and called but I ignored him. My Chinese was/is pretty shite and so whenever in the past we'd talk it would be the same old questions: Where are you? I'm at home. Where are you? I'm at the bar. You want to come out? No. Bye. I couldn't be bothered trying to listen or speak Chinese to him that night.

I sometimes think about him and wonder what he's doing. His ability to remain a pretty face would be hard when he was exposed to smoke all night and drinking most nights. It would mean that his earning potential as a male model would be lowered as each year passed. No one wanted an old model. He was 25 when we met and now he'd be 29 which is ancient in Chinese terms.

Happy New Year!

2012-01-22T08:06:00.001+08:00

Several Asian countries are celebrating the "new" year today. However, you say it, I hope this year is a prosperous one full of action, love and laughter xoxox HH

新年快乐！(Xin nian kuai le)

Chúc mừng năm mới!

새해 복 많이 받으세요! (saehae bog manh-i bad-euseyo!)

Selamat tahun baru!

あけましておめでとうございます！(Akemashite omedetōgozaimasu!)

Happy belated New Year!

2012-01-14T13:43:00.001+08:00

Ahh don't you love New Years eve? There's such a build up to what the night is going to entail that more often than not it's a complete let down. I experienced a couple in China and one was probably the best I'd had, but the others were kind of average. There's not the same excitement or anticipation in China like there is in the West.

I was determined that this year, my first New Year at home since 2006 would have no expectation from me. I had a friend come to stay and some friends invited us to come to sing karaoke. It's not usual practice for these friends to go and sing karaoke and I did laugh to myself that my first "Westernised" New Year was going to have some Asian influence which hadn't been orchestrated by myself.

My friends had booked a private room for 3 hours. My friend and I turned up to the place to notice it seemed a bit of a dive but I'm not a snob and when the drinks are pretty cheap, I was happy. I scanned around the bar area to notice a white guy with half his face tattooed. And during the night when I visited the bar or the toilet I would see or engage in conversation with some misfits. I thought now I really do feel like I am back in China! You see, in my experience there seemed to be a high amount of "laowai" in China who probably didn't quite fit in back home. For one reason or another they didn't conform to what was considered normal at home but felt totally accepted in China. I am not saying all foreigners in China fit this mould but I was surprised when I first began living there how many were a little "different".

After our 3hours of singing and drinking it was time to battle the taxi lines. Lucky for me and my friend we didn't have to wait. On walking out of the KTV bar I spotted a group of cute Asian guys. I yelled out to them, Xin nian kuai le!" to which one replied, "We're Korean." As I had, had a few beverages I didn't let that little faux pas stop me! I then yelled, "Oh happy new year then!!" If they weren't 4ft tall and about 20 yrs old I probably would've suggested my taxi was the best way forward for them :)

Good Marketing strategy?

2011-12-16T05:37:00.001+08:00

Ambercrombie and Finch have just opened a flagship store in Singapore. In the lead up to the big opening the company positioned 40 buffed, shirtless men out the front of the store for hours at a time. I personally wished they had more Asian guys....But maybe shirtless caucasian and black guys are still a novelty in Singapore? Anyway for your viewing pleasure, check out the you tube video .............HOT, HOT!

Smoking

2011-12-04T20:04:00.001+08:00

I don't think I've ever heard a girl say, "I really wish I could meet a man who...smokes." In China, I didn't personally know a lot of local guys who smoked. Most didn't. However, it seems I see so many "imports" back home who smoke. I can just tell by the look of these guys they're not natives -wearing jeans all the time, baseball hats, man bags etc...Now what I can't understand is how they can afford to continue the dirty habit on a student's allowance. Yes, I guess if they've left their home country to study in a Western country they aren't or their family's not short of coin. However, when the cost of a packet of smokes is equivalent to a meal out, it's a rather expensive habit to keep up with. Chicks don't dig it but if the habit has a strangle hold of you, make sure you have good dental hygiene!! Nothing worse than someone who considers brushing their teeth is a once off daily "chore". Also you ain't going to do any business deals here buddy by handing out cigarettes after dinner seen as most restaurants and bars ban public smoking. Just some advice. It is the season for giving after all :)

Some advice to the ladies

2011-11-25T18:46:00.001+08:00

Recently I've read some blogs by Western women and also questions posed by Western women who like Asian guys. It made me think that maybe it's a good idea for me to pass on some advice. If you've read my blog you could work out a lot of this from my past posts but in case you can't be bothered.....

1. He tells me I'm beautiful. Basically Chinese people only know one adjective to describe people in a flattering way and it's "beautiful". They know ugly too and although they can be direct in general, they would draw the line to tell you to your face that you're ugly. Also what they consider beautiful is not the same as Western people. They may think your eyes are beautiful because they're not black, and they're round or larger. The may think your nose is beautiful because it's "large". So when they say you're beautiful it's not because they think you could suddenly sign up to try out for "America's Next Top Model".

2. He's hot and cold. I've heard complaints that Chinese guys can be excessive in their pursuit of Western girls and then suddenly drop off the face of the earth. Could be a number of reasons:
They may think this is acceptable behaviour.
They could be desperate to show a woman to the family because his parent's are pressuring him to get married.
Their girlfriend is busy and they've got some time to kill before she pays him attention again.
He's fucking clueless as to how to pursue you.

3. He doesn't ask about my past. This is a good thing!! Well, I guess it depends on your past. I find it works to my advantage. I am not entirely sure why Chinese guys don't. Maybe it's due to the fact they weren't part of your past, so it doesn't matter? I sometimes think they're naive and think you had noone else before them.....If only this was true.

I'll add to this post when I recall more examples to share...Or ask your questions below!!

When white guys get it wrong...

2011-10-29T10:00:00.000+08:00

So I've been accused in the past of taking the piss out of Asian guys too much so here's a story about a white guy who got it VERY, VERY wrong.

I was walking through my local mall/shopping centre today. In this centre they have a couple of stations of computers scattered throughout. It's the type of set up where you pay a couple of bucks and you get a few minutes of Internet connection. I often wondered who would use these because a) they're pretty expensive to a home Internet plan and b) they're very public.

So, there was this guy who looked around 50-60 years old sitting at a computer. My initial reaction as I walked up to where he was, that it was good he was a little "techno savvy", but this soon changed. As I walked past I noticed he up a MSN or Yahoo chat screen up. There was some girl who had web cam turned on. They were obviously chatting to each other. Now her camera was position so it didn't show her face but everything from her neck down to her lap. I laughed and kept walking.

On my way back from purchasing something in a shop, I had to go back past "old mate". Now he had managed to enlarge her and her web cam to full size. You could clearly see that she was wearing black mesh lingerie. It consisted of a "nightie" over a black bra and pants. I thought "old mate" this is a public place FFS! I could only imagine where this "chatting" was going to lead to.......................

2011-10-13T17:37:00.001+08:00

That's right ladies the King of Bhutan - Jigme Khesar Namgyel Wangchuck has wed. Yep he's no longer on the market. The 31 year old Oxford graduate wed his sweetheart today. She's only 10 years his junior. So disappointing.

Under promise, over deliver

2011-10-11T18:49:00.001+08:00

This is good advice. Under promise and over deliver. Be confident but don't ruin it by telling straight out "porky pies". I've had a couple of instances where guys have told me one thing and I've discovered it's not the truth. In some cases it's been FAR from the truth. If there is one thing I don't like, and it's being disappointed + lied to. I don't understand it either as I thought it was common in most if not all Asian cultures to be humble. No? I remember I was chatting online to one guy and I flat out called him out on his "facts" and his reply was something along the lines, "You are soo direct!" I got the impression other girls had let him spin his stories without any accountability.

Below are some examples.....

1. "I'm tall". No. No you're not. You are in fact short. Maybe if I was 4ft you would be considered tall or if you lived in that village in China where all the people of lower stature (midgets) live. However, you don't and I am not 4ft so you are not tall.

2. "I have a large penis." No comment...................

3. "I am good at sex." No, in fact I believe you were a virgin. Fine, everyone is or has been a virgin but why upsell your "services".........Bad idea.

4. "I'm single." Yes if you don't include your girlfriend.

5. "I am good at singing." I feel I can't comment too much on this as I can't sing but look, I've watched a lot of singing reality tv shows and I feel I am VERY "qualified" to pass judgement now..lol

My advice is underplay your weaknesses, don't try to over compensate by making up "stories". No need to mention your negatives, focus on your positives. Steer clear of conversations that make you feel less confident or inadequate. Yes you can be upfront but you don't have to dwell on it.

Can you handle me?

2011-10-08T12:56:00.000+08:00

I have heard a couple of times, and read online how Chinese men think that Western women have an insatiable sexual appetite. Apparently we're hard to please because we want it 24/7. I used to think it is quite laughable. However, after living in China for several years, I have noticed that Chinese people (men and women) don't seem to have the same sex drive as people in the West. Now of course this is just a generalisation, but I think if you did a comparison it would be true.

Western people do talk more openly about sex - well Western women in comparison to Chinese girls. We don't see sex as purely a means to please our man, manipulate him or to make babies. We do it, because it makes us feel loved, it CAN be enjoyable and a way to be closer to our partner.

I recently read about a Western women who married a Chinese guy. One of the comments that were translated into English was quite amusing:

"Best wishes! However, marrying a foreign girl will mean a lot of pressure [sexually]"

As I've gotten older, I've realised what I do and don't like. Sometimes I'll tell you what I want. If you lose face that's your problem. I want us both to have a good time. I'm not going to lie on the bed in the classic starfish position whilst you resemble something like a cross between a frog and a wind up toy. Then I start thinking about what I'm going to do later on when you finally finish. No.

Asian guys need to realise these four things:

1. Not all Western girls are easy. Low and behold some are still virgins when they get married.

2. A lot of Western women have slept with more than 1 man but that doesn't mean we know all the positions outlined in the Kama Sutra nor do we intend trying them all...In one night. If you wouldn't ask a local girl to do something, why do you think we would necessarily want to either?

3. Get over your insecurities first. No use wanting and fantasising over a Western girl only to ruin the experience because you're obsessing over your lack of ability or penis size. I slept with a guy once and it was going well until he kept asking me how he compared to other guys. I am assuming he meant his penis size. It was so off putting.

4. Yes some Western women do want it more than once per week. It doesn't mean we're sex maniacs.

Can you handle a Western lady, H.A.M's?

WF+AM

2011-10-01T12:00:00.002+08:00

Are white females and Asian males as couples becoming more popular? I don't know if statistically this is true but I have noticed since returning home that I have seen more and more WF + AM couples. Now, I noticed this because I'm interested in it. I guess for most people it would just slide under their radar. I can't work out if it's actually true that more white chicks are hooking up with Asian dudes or not, as this is the first time I've lived back in a Western country in 2 years. What do you think? Are there more and more AM + WF couples these days, compared to say 5 years ago?

Cute things H.A.M's do

2011-10-01T10:54:00.003+08:00

1. Refer to their horoscope when trying to explain why they come across as "different". For example, "Oh well you knowwwww, I am a Taurus so that's why I do that/think that way/like that." Apparently your horoscope is an accurate way to describe your personality.

2. Carry your handbag. I'm not a fan but it's a nice gesture.

3. Accept that they need to pay for everything. Maybe this is changing but in my experience an Asian guy is more likely to pay for you without even thinking about it, and no complaining.

4. Wear jeans for any occasion. I personally think that Asian guys look hot in jeans. Although I am a "butt" girl by nature their small ones seem to fit jeans perfectly. I am just glad I didn't see too many guys in the pastel coloured + brightly coloured skinny jeans which were kind of "popular" a few years back in the West. I saw one guy in Chengdu once and he was "pang" and it was NOT a good look at all :( I think he had a big penis or something so he considered the skinny jeans the way forward for him but unfortunately he had big legs and a muffin top...

5. Get confused by English. "I slept like a baby last night." "Oh that's not good." Why?" "'Cause babies don't sleep well." "Oh you're right but we say that when we've slept well." "Huh?" :) :)

SE Asia and their men - Hot or Not?

2011-09-21T19:10:00.004+08:00

Vietnam

I travelled around Vietnam and I struggled. At the start of the trip there was a guy with his lady on our junk boat in Halong Bay. I thought he was cute and had high hopes for the local men. I was sadly disappointed. I even started looking at monks in their orange bed sheets. However, it was more of the challenge of them than me actually thinking they were attractive. I saw this guy below at a bar in Nha Trang. I was sure he was Vietnam's very own Prince. Not sure if he could sing but he had the hair do and threads going on. (See picture below)

Thailand

The ladies in Thailand are quite well known around the world. Apparently they're all good at cooking, giving massages and marrying old dudes. However, what gives with the men? I thought a few of them made very good looking ladies. However, on my last trip, even they seemed to be struggling in the looks department. My travelling companion even exclaimed after sharing our train trip to the Cambodian border with a "lady", "I couldn't stop looking. He, I mean she was VERY ugly."

Cambodia

Cambodia is a poor country. Therefore, most of the men do labour intensive work. So, that equates to hot little bodies! I also liked the fact they aren't prudish about stripping off their shirts. Maybe that was more to the fact it was quite hot and they can't afford shirts.

I think I need to travel to South Korea and Japan next. Or maybe I'll just go hang out in the city where all the Japanese and Korean students seem to hang out. It'll be cheaper and the chances of them speaking English will be higher.

KBS World

2011-09-15T21:13:00.008+08:00

KBS World is Korean Broadcasting System. I recently watched KBS in China, Thailand Cambodia. I don't know any Korean but the great thing about this TV channel, is that they have English subtitles. I thought it was brilliant!

I am often fascinated to see whether Asian people speak and interact the same as I do as a Westerner. Do they have the same worries? Do they talk about sex? I know the Chinese love Korean soap operas. I didn't know why really, I just assumed it was because they think that Koreans are beautiful. However, now I think it's because it seems from what I could tell, they're a bit more open.

My last night in Beijing I came across KBS on one of my hotel room's TV channels. It was a variety show of sorts that showcased some famous Korean people. I had no idea who they were. They would do skits and the audience would laugh out loud. I couldn't understand what was funny, even with English sub titles! However, that could be a reflection on me and not their sense of humour!

Then shortly after that I embarked on a trip to Thailand (briefly) and Cambodia. I was travelling with a Chinese friend. After we checked into our 3rd hotel of the trip he said, "You can take the bed near the TV seen as you like to watch TV!" I was going to launch into some rant over how I hadn't seen English TV for a long time when I realised that I'd switched from BBC to KBS 1 hotel back. I was no longer worried about the riots going on in England ,but more about what was happening between the rich family and the poor maids who had won lottery on some Korean soapie. It was riveting TV viewing, I tell you!

On my second last day in Cambodia I was perched on my bed with my face less than a foot away from the TV screen. My Chinese friend looked up from his book and goes, "Why do you like watching that Korean channel so much??" And I replied, "I don't know. I just find it interesting and the guys are quite hot." I think he may have given me a disapprovingly look but I don't know for sure as I was captivated by their version of "Survivor". I only got the last bit of that program before it went on to a show which auditioned old people to be part of a choir. The choir was going to be conducted by some Korean dude with long hair. Him and some other famous Korean guys were auditioning senior citizens to be part of this choir. I guess the reality TV show bug has bitten Koreans as well.

I now get highlights of shows from KBS on YouTube. It's like Christmas has come all at once. There are some cute, cute guys on Korean TV. Now I just need to start learning their names.

New hunting grounds

2011-08-26T21:14:00.003+08:00

I was hanging out in a mobile phone shop tonight...'cause apparently that's what all the cool kids do these days :) Ok, not true. I was there because I was purchasing something. Anyway 'cause it was taking "Liz" so long to process my order I had time to peruse the clientele. I noticed something very fascinating. Asian guys love mobile phones. Now, I already knew this in China but most of the mobile phone "shops" are in dodgy markets/multi storey buildings. It's not the kind of place you want to hang out. And given the fact that mobile phones in Asia are a cheap status symbol, I didn't think the same importance would be placed on them in the West.

So I was in this store for around 45 mins and I did a quick survey. Most of the customers were males. I would estimate 80%. 70% of them seemed to be of Asian heritage...and 20% were of Indian/Pakistani/Middle East descent...And the rest were Caucasian. The additional bonuses were most came in on their own and they spoke English! Yay!

Now I am probably one of the most technically spazzy people around. My current mobile phone is circa 2005 but I think with a bit of training I could really take up a part time job in one of these stores. I am full of so many good ideas but maybe I'm just an opportunist at heart :)

Awkward moments #6

2011-08-26T20:59:00.003+08:00

Last week I took a taxi, nothing unusual for me these days seen as I don't have any "wheels". I am trying to restrict my taxi trips though, because they're so bloody expensive! Anyway I needed to this day as I had to transport many things from my temporary to abode to my new one. So I get into the taxi and I think to myself "Oh look out, another nursing/Doctor Indian student". We make small talk and our conversation goes a bit like this:

Me: So where are you from then?
Taxi man: Afghanistan
Me: Oh wow, that's exciting!
Taxi man: Ahh yes, huh?
Me: Well, I guess you feel more safe here and that.
Taxi man: Yes. Are you a student?
Me: (Feeling flattered he thought I was of student age) ha ha Umm no, are you?
Taxi man: Yes I in the health field. I work and study 5 days in hospital and then drive taxi 2 days.
Me: So busy.
Taxi man: Yes. You are married or single?
Me: (Thinking, thinking...) Umm not married. I have....a boyfriend! ("phew" I think to myself)
Taxi man: You live with your family?
Me: Yes (not a lie at the time). Are you single?
Taxi man: Yes I single. I like mature womens. I don't like girl. I like (looks at me in a "hmm how old would she be" kind of way) womens 28 to 35.
Me: Oh I see.
Taxi man: Your friends single?
Me: Umm no sorry they're not.
Taxi man: Oh but I like the womens so if you know any single womens you can introduce me.
Me: Well, ok if I know any SINGLE WOMEN I will let you know. You should try internet dating 'cause you work so much it's the way forward for you I think.
Taxi man: I know nothing of internet dating. I only know how to do email and facebook.
Me: Well, I am telling you, you should try it.
Taxi man: Ok here we are. Remember you know any single WOMENS you tell me.
Me: Ok will do.

And thankfully he didn't ask for my phone number and all the single WOMENS in my life are still safe :)

Awkward moments #5

2011-07-08T21:08:00.003+08:00

Last week I was in Beijing before I flew out to my home country. I was out and about in order to exchange my hard earnt RMBs but it was proving more difficult than it should be. After going on a bit of a goose chase I thought I'd just bite the bullet and go the bank.

I walked in feeling exhausted and totally unattractive. My jeans were stuck to my legs, my top was clinging to me and I was sweating. Urgh. I was looking around to see what I should do. I saw this bald headed foreign guy sitting on the couch. He was motioning for me to come and sit down next to him.

I went and sat next to him not because he had indicated to do so but 'cause I wanted to rest and work out my next plan of action. He quickly moved closer was staring at me. He says to me, "Single?" as he points to me. I say, "Yes." He then gives me this massive smile and points to himself, "Single too!" He then links his two index fingers and points to me. That's when a girl from the bank noticed him and his strange behaviour.

I am sure she thought we were together or at the very least knew each other. I tried to distract myself from him by asking her some questions about exchanging money. She wasn't much help and I worked out I should just get a number. That's when "old mate" thought he could move in even closer.

He asked where I was from and then I asked him. He told me he was from Iran. I started laughing because a past boyfriend who I'll call the "Persian Prince" was from Iran too. This joke was lost on him. I started to realise his English was very limited so I switched to Chinese but it seems his Chinese was worse. He thought I needed to refocus on him so he started to point to his cheek, "Kiss! Kiss!" He could tell I wasn't going to kiss him so maybe he could plant one on me but thankfully he wasn't that dumb to try that. I also found out his name sounded like "Murder" which made me even more weary of him.

It's a pity actually 'cause he was a very good looking guy. I did ask him if he often came to the bank to pick up girls but again that was lost on him. I also asked him in Chinese if he had been drinking too much of the "good stuff" but he didn't understand. Then we were both saved by his number been called.

Awkward moments #4

2011-07-08T20:21:00.006+08:00

Around a month ago one of the guys from my dating post sent me a sms asking me if I wanted to meet up as he was back in town. (http://thehamhunter.blogspot.com/2011/05/dating.html) I had only recently found out that he had moved back to his hometown. I had been thinking it strange I hadn't heard from him. He had just neglected to let me know he'd moved! Obviously he's a great communicator.

Now he doesn't speak much English so between him and I we worked out I should call him when I arrived at a particular bus stop. I arrived and called him, "Wo dao le!" (I have arrived) He then showed up a few minutes later. He explained we would be going to the hospital. I thought to myself, "This is strange." He said his Uncle is in hospital and has something wrong with his back.....

As we get out of the elevator the first picture to stare me in the face was someones rectum. I began to think this "date" was going to be awkward. We go into his Uncle's room to be greeted by his wife and the patient lying on his side. Then my date's "Mother's sister" (he constantly referred to his Aunt in this way...and his "Mother's sister's husband") started to shove food into my hand. I was actually quite hungry. However, I wasn't keen on lady finger bananas, lychee's but then she gave me some chocolate! I guess she guessed that a girl with my kind of body doesn't let a week go by without devouring some kind of chocolate!

I sat there wondering how I got myself into these situations. Awkward. Awkward. I guess my communication skills aren't so great either. I should have clarified before meeting him if our "date" would involve a visit to family members in the hospital.

After we left the hospital we were walking down the street and he began to point out girls asking me what I thought of them...And I thought "Here we go again..........."

With Summer comes.....

2011-06-15T18:43:00.006+08:00

matching t - shirts. I don't really understand the concept of matching t shirts. I understand it's a "couple thing" but usually the t shirts aren't cool. I often look at the men in these couples and think, "Are you happy wearing the same t shirt as your lady?" It's nice they do it. I guess. Maybe couples do this in Winter too but 'cause everyone wears coats/jackets you don't get to see them?

bellies. Apparently if you're a man and you're hot, you should at least roll up your shirt. You need to bear your belly. Your shirt should sit just over your chest area. This cools you down. Apparently. If you're really hot then shirt BE GONE! Am I fan? Not overally but it does make me slightly homesick seeing all those beer bellies on parade. :)

Bromance

2011-06-04T13:48:00.004+08:00

The "bromance" seems to be well and truly alive in China. If you're not familiar with the term, it basically means a close relationship between two straight guys. To be honest, when I first came to China I thought many guys appeared to be gay. However, after living here for a number of years, I think they just have the bromance downpat.

I guess there are many reasons why two dudes would be so close. First of all, most families in China have only one child. So that child has no siblings. The next generation will also have no cousins, so children won't be growing up with the family structure like many people have in the West. They look to friends to have the close family bond with.

The second reason is quite a lot of children board at school or at least at university when they attend. Usually these dormitory rooms have at least 4 people per room and so after many years of bunking in together they grow to have a tight bond.

Guanxi is also very important in China. Guanxi is what we'd call in the West "networking relationships" maybe? This could contribute to the tight relationships you see amongst Chinese men too. If they have good guanxi with the right people they can be successful as jobs are becoming harder and harder to comeby. That's why people are opting to starting their own business, which is where guanxi can be key to you making it or not. Your "bro" from college may now have a government job that could enable you to win a contract or get a licence approved.

Most of the classes at my gym are conducted by male instructors. The only classes they don't do is belly dance and latin dance. Often you will see guys who are on their way to shower stop by the glass doors to peer in. However, most of the time they're not peering in to admire the ladies in the class, no they're looking at the male teacher. At first I thought this was strange, but I guess Chinese men do like to admire eachother in an open way. My guess is they admire the teacher's abilities and their bodies. Although most of the teachers by Western standards are small but toned, here they're considered "big".

What do you think? Do you think the "bromance" is more common in Asian countries? I know Indian men form very close relationships with their male friends as do Pakistani guys. Is it just cultural?

Awkward moments #3

2011-05-27T13:02:00.003+08:00

I had a guy ring me the other night. We had just chatted online once - the day before. When he rung, I had just got to sleep. The conversation went a little like this (it was half in Chinese and English but for you I've made it all English):

Him: Hi!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: Urgh hi
Him: Oh what you doing?
Me: Umm Im
Him: You sleeping?
Me: Yes. It's late.
Him: I just finish work.
Me: It's so late.
Him: Huh? No I not go to Taiwan!
Me: No, I didn't say the place, I said IT'S SOOOO LATE.
Him: Yes
Me: Why do you finish work so late?
Him: I think you will have sweet dreams because I called you.
Me: Ok
Him: I come to Jilin in a few days.
Me: Huh? What for?!?
Him: To see you!
Me: Umm no. You know I might not be here.
Him: Oh yes. I want to kiss you.
Me: You want to kiss me? How?
Him: Through the phone. Ok?
Me: Umm (laughing) whatever.
Him: (Kissing noises)
Me: (more laughing)
Him: Now your turn. Kiss me.
Me: Umm no I'm tired.
Him: Oh ok.
Me: Ok goodnight.
Him: Good night.

AWKWARD!!!!

Awkward moments #2

2011-05-21T00:18:00.003+08:00

Recently a friend fell ill and I went to visit her in the hospital. When I was waiting for the elevator to leave I noticed a young guy wearing a black suit. He was kind of tall and not bad looking. Him and I along with a few other people got in. As the elevator descending we started to pick up people along the way. On the second or third stop as the doors opened we could see that A LOT of people wanted to get in.

I suddenly felt some hands on my shoulders and someone pulling me back. I realised it was the guy in the black suit and that he was letting me know we should pack ourselves in like sardines in order to accommodate the extra 10 people who wanted to get in. By this time, the elevator was packed. I couldn't move, but I could feel something moving near my bottom!

At first I thought, "Surely that guy isn't feeling my butt, or is he?" I decided he must be trying to find something in his pocket and it just felt like his hand was rubbing on my behind. Then, I felt something go under my jacket. It was his hand! He was rubbing my butt like it was some bottle and a genie was going to pop out any moment to grant him his wish. I was just glad I hadn't eaten and nothing else popped out instead! ha ha.

When we got out of the elevator I just walked out and kept going. Out on the street our eyes locked and he gave me a look of, "Oh yeah, so you did enjoy it hey??" I wished I had given him a good telling off and had cracked him one in the ribs when we were still in the elevator. However, I spent the whole time trying to actually work out if he was feeling me up, and I also couldn't move an inch anyway. Diry perve!

Awkward moments #1

2011-05-21T00:06:00.003+08:00

"The Massuese" wanted to give me a massage. I agreed, because really who am I to deny him the pleasure of spending time with me, right? I only wished I had thought more about it before I decided to meet him.

He led me to what, I think was his bedroom. He told me to lie down under the blankets as it's still cold here. So I lay down and then he was sitting on a small stool at my feet. Now this is when I should've thought about what I had worn when I agreed to this last minute massage. He started to take off my socks and was clearly not impressed with my socks. I must admit, my socks on appearance looked manky. It's just they are white, well they used to be. Around 2 months ago I got them wet with dirty snow and they've never been white again. So he thought I was just a dirty bitch who wore dirty socks. I didn't have the language ability to explain that my socks were indeed clean. I wanted to curl up under that quilt and not emerge again until he had left.

However, that wasn't going to happen and so I tried to enjoy the massage. Mostly it was good. That's until he started to serenade me with an English song. The song went something like this, "I'm so lonely, lonely, loneeeely...Lonely in my life." I tried to keep my eyes shut and not laugh. Everytime I opened my eyes to see if he was wrapping up the impromptu karaoke, he would just look at me with a very serious look and continue. I must admit his voice isn't half bad, but it was just so awkward!

Dating

2011-05-06T12:55:00.005+08:00

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. It's not that I haven't had any inspiration or lack of topics, but I've actually been busy. Mostly with work but also getting to know a couple of guys. I am not serious about any of the guys so far, and I see it in some ways as an experiment to get to know how Chinese guys think or act the way they do. Let me give you a rundown on some of the guys:

"The Masseuse" or as he likes to call himself "Massager". He's tall and of a similar age to me. Physically he was appealing to me: tall and strong, until he took off his shirt to show me something. I can't remember for what now 'cause all I could focus on was the fact that he was wearing a mesh singlet. I have seen the odd mesh singlet at my gym. I am not a fan of the mesh singlet. So, when he took off his shirt to reveal he was wearing a mesh singlet, I thought "No that's not right." He is a nice guy and I can tell he's sincere. However, I can also tell he likes me and I don't feel the same way. He calls me, and messages me online. It's all in Chinese. He even told me that my Chinese was "hen bu hao", which translates to brilliant. No, it translates to: very bad! :( Despite the odd remark about my weight and my Chinese abilities he's nice, but I don't want anything more than a friend.

"King" He's 27 or 28. Hard to keep up with Chinese ages as I never know if it's their real age or their Chinese age. We chatted online before meeting for a date. We had about 3 online chats before meeting. I was reluctant to meet him because of the following:

Chat conversation 1: It was only about 10 mins long and he ended with "I love you baby!" I thought that's weird.

Chat conversation 2: Once again not that long, maybe 30 mins max. He claimed during this conversation, "I think maybe I love you." Ok...sure you do.

Chat conversation 3: Once again not very long. He told me he had been robbed, but I think in fact he meant "I am a dumbass who left my salary in the taxi." So he asked me if I still wanted to meet, 'cause basically he couldn't pay for the date. I said, sure I think I can afford a couple of drinks (we were meeting at 3pm). He also told me, "I think I have a crush on you." I was going to query him as to why he no longer loved me but I didn't want to complicate things so early on. He also told me China was corrupt so we could have a flash marriage. Then I could take him to Australia. So I told him, as per our first conversation I was leaving Jilin in June...And it wouldn't be with a ring on my finger or him!

We met on the Saturday afternoon. He was an hour late. As I am fairly easy going, I wasn't upset. I guess if I liked him, I would've cared more. However, it did give me time to question as to why he had no money for our date. I mean what Chinese person DOESN'T have some savings? Apparently post 1980's children, don't....

Our date went better than I had expected. I was particularly interested in his stories of killing death row inmates. He killed 8 as part of his job as a soldier. He told me, "No women or babies, just men." OK. I wanted to laugh but it was a serious topic. His English is limited but between the two of us we managed, until he asked, "So are we dating now?" To which I replied, "No we're just friends. We don't know eachother." He then basically within 5 minutes said, "I want to go home now." Ok see ya!

"Z.H.R" He doesn't have an English name. We went out for lunch, to which his friend showed up for. I believe in Chinese culture it's important to get your friend's approval on potential love interests. I did think, however, it was more from the female side than the male. His friend spent most of his time on the phone, smoking or doing both, so it was ok. He then dropped us off at a park afterwards. We walked around the park for a few hours. It was quite enjoyable. The conversation was a little difficult as his English is as good as my Chinese...so we just tried to work out what the other was saying. I am sure he's not interested in me romantically, just as language exchange. He told me that he believed that people from other countries shouldn't marry, you should just marry within the same country. Hmm ok. Also he asked me several times why Chinese girls like foreign guys so much. I threw around a couple of reasons but then he seemed focused on sex. "Foreign guys have big (insert gesture)?" I just acted innocently and said, "maybe". :) Apart from asking me more than a few times which girls I found sexy, I enjoyed our date. We're supposed to go out again soon.

"Spring" His English name is the direct translation of his Chinese name. I know genius. We've just chatted online a few times. Our last conversation he told me he loved me, to which I replied, "That's ridiculous." So he clarified his position, "Oh I don't love you but I REALLY like you." Please, man!

"Guitar man" I can't remember his Chinese name or whether he has an English name. He's around 25/26 years old and is a classically trained guitar teacher. He seems obsessed with me, although we've never met. We chat online. I may need to block him though if he doesn't get his feelings under control. He told me he wanted to find a "foreign exchange wife" HA HA HA. He said we could get married. I ignored that. He told me he really loved chatting to me. However, the funny thing is I am normally too busy to respond so the conversation is very one-sided!

"Tibetan man" I don't know if he has any Tibetan heritage but he's hot. He was working in tibet for a number of years as a soldier. He has a fine body, cause I've seen the photos! So far, he seems quite mature. He told me straight out he can't promise me anything and that he may never get married. He said it's hard for him to fall in love. He broke up with his long term girlfriend of 5 years, 2 years ago and it made him wary. He's a few years younger than me, so I just take things as they come. We may never meet, so see what happens.

So that's the lowdown as to why I haven't been posting. Will update again soon!

Sex and the S.W.F

2011-04-15T09:39:00.003+08:00

Sex and the Single Weiguo Female

I think the popular stereotype out there, is that single foreign females in most Asian countries have to pack enough "toys" to last them or that they become celibate. Of course, I think many do a combination of the two, but I don't believe it's as dire as many people think.

I think the harder challenge is finding a serious relationship. If you want a one night stand, it's not that hard. If you're the shy, anti social type than yes, you're going to have more difficulty. More and more Asian guys are becoming "open".

It is hard though to break old habits though. In their mind, they generally see sex as something you only do in a long term, committed relationship. I have had one guy try and blackmail me into becoming his girlfriend. "I won't give you sex anymore unless you're my girlfriend." He didn't stick to that mantra for long. I didn't want to be his girlfriend because I suspected he already had a Chinese girlfriend and also he was 10 years my junior. I didn't see any future. I also didn't want a greedy man who thought he could have his cake and eat it too.

Most girls won't admit to having a one night stand or a fling. Unfortunately some people still see guys as studs if they've slept with multiple partners and girls as...well, sluts. However, you're in another country for long enough and if the opportunity comes up, you take it! Or you don't take it, it's up to you.

It's important to have a good "wing woman". I have some cool Chinese girlfriends but I find foreign girls make better wing women. If there's more than 2 foreign girls in the group you're more than likely going to have a better strike rate. If all the girls in the group are foreign your ability to pull, will be even higher. I guess been foreign you will get the attention of local guys. Usually if you're at a bar or club they will invite you to join their table for a drink. You can use this time to flirt and find out if they're complete wankers or ok.

Generally, Chinese guys won't make a move in public. The ones that do, are usually the ones that are really drunk, kiss terribly and you don't want a piece of them! If the guy or guys are interested in you and your friends they may ask you to go eat, sing Ktv or if they're really direct take you and your girls to a "love hotel". Love hotels have sprung up all over China because most people live with their parents and therefore can't have sex there!

Of course in bigger cities, SWF's have more choice. There are more foreign guys and depending which country they come from, are more than likely open to no-strings attached sex.

And the winner goes to....

2011-03-22T20:14:00.003+08:00

I like to "crown" people with awards in my mind. A little bit like conducting my own Oscars award ceremony in my head. For example, I will look at a guy and think to myself, "You must be the skinniest man alive! I crown you: "Skinniest Man Alive!" However, then I see another guy and I think I've prematurely given out the award to the wrong person.

There is a guy at my gym who I am sure could take out this award. He looks around 180cm tall, and I think he'd weigh around 55kg. The ridiculous thing is that he wears workout gear that makes him look even more thin! He wears these "muscle" tank tops, and running pants made from Lycra. As per pictures. I don't want to be mean but as he's so thin, it makes his head look very large. He wears a gold chain around his neck. I have wondered if he were to bend over, and his chain was to fall forward, would he over balance? The combined weight of his head and chain, surely it's possible?

Thankfully he doesn't work out much. He likes to stand around chatting and playing pool. Actually I don't know if he does play pool now I think about it, but he certainly likes to hang around the pool table. I have thought about baking him some cakes, or biscuits but I guess he likes been thin. And then I'd have to find someone else for the award of "Skinniest Man Alive" he put on weight.

Now to work out who will be making up the "H.A.M Sandwich" award! There has to be two....

Sometimes you just have to laugh....

2011-03-17T21:17:00.002+08:00

I recently set my students a short exam to test their understanding of some vocabulary we had learnt. They had to choose the best word for each sentence. One of the sentences was:

"Falling in love can make you feel ________" The answer was supposed to be: delirious

However, 80 % of them chose "doomed" I couldn't stop laughing. I thought it was hilarious that a bunch of teenagers felt so pessimistic about love. Of course, nearly of them didn't understand the joke of it all.

I heart Japan

2011-03-17T21:06:00.004+08:00

So unless you've been partaking in a reality tv show where you're cut off from the rest of the world..or living under a large rock, you'd know of the devastation that has rocked Japan. It's so sad. I wanted to just put a bit of a shout out to GOOGLE. They have set up the easiest way possible to donate money if you want to. All you have to do is, click on the link on that saids
"Resources related to the crisis in Japan and ways to help." It will take you to this page:

http://www.google.com/crisisresponse/japanquake2011.html

If you have any spare cash at all I ask you donate something. Even if you give up your morning coffee from Starbucks or wherever you normally buy it for 1 week. The people in Japan need all the help we can give them at this time. :)

The Cougar in me

2011-03-13T18:28:00.002+08:00

I feel often enough I'm forced to be a cougar. Some ladies would accept this and cherish the experiences. It usually just makes me think it's just wrong on so many levels. Here are some of the pros and cons of been a cougar in China:

* Usually the guys don't know you're a cougar because a) they don't know what a cougar is and b) they can't guess your age!
* They have a lot of energy.
* They are willing to learn unlike a guy who is older and stuck in his bad ways..bad ways = shit in bed.
* Can usually remember more English than an older guy because they only left school last year or at most 3 years prior.
* They call you teacher in bed. This is very off putting. (Note: I was NOT his teacher but maybe "teacher")
* They think there's something different about you, maybe even somewhat interesting and intriguing that they can't quite put their finger on. I know what it is, it's called maturity.
* They have stupidity only youth can afford them. Like thinking they can have you AND their Chinese girlfriend!
* You usually earn twice or even sometimes 10 times what they do. Which doesn't worry you but worries them ALOT.
* Sometimes they haven't been corrupted enough and still think that sex before marriage or a serious relationship is a big no, no!

Man with moves.

2011-03-13T18:19:00.002+08:00

So I was at the gym today. I was doing my cardio on an epilateral machine (cross trainer). It gets rather boring and I didn't have my MP3 so even more boring than usual. I was staring ahead of me at the people running on the treadmills. I started to watch this one guy in particular. He was running and then suddenly he jumped so that he was now straddling the treadmill. The belt was still going through his spread legs. Basically, he was spread eagle over the treadmill with a foot on each side. Then he reaches down, has a good old scratch and re adjustment. I had a brief flashback to my primary school teacher who used to stand in front of the class every morning and scratch his balls as he said his "Good morning class!" to us. It was so off putting. Even at that young age we all thought he had crabs! I haven't really seen any Chinese guys scratch their crotch so openly....Must be unlucky I guess! LOL However, as soon as he'd finished he continued on his run. I thought to myself, "Now there's a man with some moves!" The end.

H.A.M!

2011-03-11T20:01:00.002+08:00

I was feeling a bit down the other weekend and my friend sent me this picture to cheer me up! I want to share it all with you, to cheer you up if you've had a shitty day. And now the weekend is just around the corner it's another reason to smile!! Have a good one - H.A.M hunters!

Hunted, hunted - SHOT DOWN!

2011-03-11T19:06:00.004+08:00

Have I got a funny story for you! Actually, I am not feeling very humorous and I contemplated whether I was going to share this or not. I feel I need to. In some ways, I just feel this guy is too unbelievable for words.

Let me set the background. Last year I was contacted by a 34 year old, unmarried Chinese guy from a dating website. We chatted for 2 weeks online and then I just thought one of his "plans" (I really referred to it as "dumb idea") was ridiculous, so I cut contact with him. Two or three weeks later he contacted me again saying that he thought about what I'd said, and I was right, his "plan" was crazy. And could I give him another chance? I wearily said, "Ok".

We chatted online for nearly 2 months and decided that I would fly down south to meet him. He was busy setting up a second business and so he couldn't afford the time to come up to me. I booked my flight and 2 days later was told I had to work in Beijing. So instead of the planned 5 days, we would just have 2 days together. I flew in the Tuesday and left him on the Thursday.

The meeting went well. It wasn't awkward. My initial feeling was, "He's ok, but a lot shorter than he said!" He paid for my hotel stay, which I didn't feel comfortable with but then I thought, who cares. I met his cousin and tried to get to know him. There was no real intimacy as he's a "traditional guy". We just hugged in the evening when he'd drop me off at my hotel for the night. On leaving, I received a hug AND a handshake! I did think at the time, this is not a good sign - a handshake - WTF????

I departed for Beijing and I felt confident that we could make a go of things. He had spent the last 2 months telling me he was looking for his true love, which would result in marriage and someone to bear a couple of kids. The conversation was dominated by these topics. I felt in some ways uneasy about it. As I wrote about in this entry: http://thehamhunter.blogspot.com/2011/01/why-such-hurry.html

Once I was in Beijing I missed him and felt that feelings could develop. I booked my return flight to see him. During the next 2 weeks or so we didn't have a lot of time chatting or exchanging sms's as we were both busy. At the end of the 2 weeks when I was about to depart to see him I was feeling neglected. I had found out about a week prior that my 15 day visit would end up been a 4 or 5 day visit with him only. Training for his new business came up and would occupy him for the first 11 days. I decided that was ok and I'd spend my time catching up with friends in Shanghai.

Although I could accept and understand he had other priorities like his work, I felt he was not been very caring. I had a go at him via sms. This did not go down very well with him and resulted in the following messages from him:
"Sigh, u thought too much. I am Chinese, maybe u don't know chinese very well?"
Which I replied with some smart ass remark and advised that he doesn't know Western people very well!

"Hey, we are not lovers yet. We are just at the beginning of knowing with eachother. I don't like fighting. Sorry. Night."

He had no idea where I was staying in Shanghai or what I would be doing for 11 days. To say I was pissed by the end of the conversation, was an understatement. Especially, as he had promised 2 nights in a row to speak or at least chat online with me and didn't.

So off I trot to Shanghai and I actually had a wonderful time. I met some H.A.M's! As I am an adult and caring I sent him a message the day after I arrived saying good luck with the training. He replied. Then on the day after that, he started to make an effort. He asked what I was doing and that he had been scared, as he has been so hurt before. He said he didn't want to lose the chance with me. I felt happy.

As I said I met a couple of H.A.M's whilst in Shanghai and they were just so...different to this guy. They were easy to communicate with. They knew how to flirt. I blogged about them in this post. http://thehamhunter.blogspot.com/2011/02/other-chinese-guys.html

I started to question my future with this other guy. I realised I didn't feel this amazing attraction like I had with at least one of the guys I met. I thought what am I doing? Am I ready to marry this guy in 6 months like he wants? I felt nauseous. I knew I had to have the "talk" with him.

We agreed to chat online after his training one night. Basically I asked him if I wasn't sure, would he want me to end things with him. He didn't answer at first, going on how he would support me and I needn't worry so much. Then he said, "Ok we should just be good friends." After that he told me things he should've told me a while ago - he found me attractive, he had a son (yes, I know!), he is very wealthy, I was exactly his type physically. He hadn't told me any of this. I had guessed some but I felt like I fitted into his "plan" and that any old Western woman could. Really, what was so special about me? I had nothing, until that point because he had never said it to me!

After the conversation, I felt very sad but relieved. I was relieved that I no longer had the pressure of marrying someone I would have 2 weeks with before getting married! I also felt that now he could find someone that suited him even better than. I was highly sceptical he would, but I didn't want to be selfish and just keep him hanging on. We agreed I would still come visit if I wanted to as we were still friends. A couple of days passed and I feel it wouldn't be fair if I did, so I purchased a new ticket back.

The day after I arrived back we chatted online and he advised he was looking for his "love" again. By that stage it had been a week since we'd had the "talk". It didn't surprise me, but I gave him a lecture on how he never allowed me time to fall in love with him and he had better be careful! As, the one thing he was scared of - finding a cheating, gold digger of a wife - could happen, because of his inability to know what love is and the rate in which he wanted to marry.

We chatted online once or twice more. I sent him a good luck message for his school which opened 3 weeks ago and he replied. Today, I sent him a message asking him this:
"Hi, how are you? How is the business going? And "looking" for a wife?"
He replied:
"Sorry, I found my love. :)
I thought, huh? So I replied with:
"I am so happy for you! Especially as it's been like 2 weeks... :)"
Again I am sarcastic, but it's wasted on him. He replies:
"So sorry I can't talk to u later. Hehe. I have love now. Good life! She very loves baby, me too! She has blue eyes and blond hair and she is 25. From america. She studied chinese history :) so we will meet in april."

Yes that's right. He has met some girl online that he will marry because he is in love. Unbelievable. Thoughts people - complete idiot or complete idiot? Please specify if you believe I'm the idiot for letting it go on for so many months, he's the idiot or the naive 25 year old from America is. Thanks

Clueless

2011-03-08T14:41:00.005+08:00

I am starting to think that some Chinese guys are totally clueless! There have been a couple of incidents where I've all but spelt it out to them that I'm interested to a look of blank faces!

Let me share this experience with you. So at my gym there was a hot young guy who was a personal trainer. He's about 25 and soon to graduate from university. Actually he told me he's 25, but he's probably 22 or 23 in reality! A few months ago he sent me a birthday text message which I thought was sweet. He had gotten my number from the computer at the gym (more than likely against the rules but he's cute so I was like, whatever).

I then invited him to my birthday party but at the last minute he couldn't come. The following week we were exchanging messages when I thought I need to take control and I basically manipulated him into taking me out for dinner. He was going out with some friends from school and so it wasn't a date or anything. However, that day something came up at work and he had to stay back, so it never happened.

A few weeks later we exchanged QQ numbers (QQ is China's equivalent of MSN). We chatted online one night and he told me he wanted a foreign girlfriend. I wasn't interested enough to be his girlfriend, because I knew that really meant: we should date to get married. However, I was interested enough to flirt, hang out and hopefully get a kiss or something!! I was very adamant his bums and abs were mine!! He turned out to be a "traditional guy" and made up lame excuses why we could never hang out, outside the gym - they will fire him if he fraternises with members.

I decided he wasn't worth my "hunting" time and I'd just admire him from afar if he happened to be working while I was at the gym. Recently he quit the gym to focus on his last assessment before graduating in June. Our conversation went something like this:

Him: "I finish work tomorrow."
Me: "Oh so I won't get to see you anymore!" (put on a pout..It seemed to work for Chinese girls, I thought I'd throw one in for shits and giggles...)
Him: "Yes but I do dragon boat training on the river."
Me: "Right. So I can go down to the river in 2 months time and see you from afar?"
Him: "Yes. There will be two boats."
Me: "Wow. I might even see you from my classroom window!" Yes, I can be a sarcastic bitch when I want.
Him: "Yes."
Me: "Ok then I better get back to working out." Muttered under my breath: Don't offer to hang out now you don't work at the gym, loser! Teasing me all these months with your tight shirts, biceps and buns! Argh!!!!!!!!!

I mean how clueless can one guy be?!?! Ok, now I've blogged about it, I can clearly see that the guy's not interested...But I am sure even if he was he would never pick up on my "cues".

And you like me because...why?

2011-03-08T14:02:00.002+08:00

Lately I've been thinking about what is the attraction for Asian, or I should say Chinese guys in particular, towards Western girls. There are a couple of things which seemed to have come up over and over. Let me list some of them for you.

1. Independant: I have been told this a number of times. They like Western girls because they don't normally "cling" to you, or rely on a guy nearly as much as a local girl might. I have mixed feelings about this though. I feel that in some ways it allows a local guy to treat you in a way which would never be acceptable if he were dating a Chinese girl.

2. Mixed baby: Who would've thought, but apparently Chinese guys like babies or the thought of them. I still can't fathom this one! Maybe their Mothers have been in their ears about it and they've decided it's a good idea too? I have heard a lot more men in China talk about children than I ever did back home! Also as a foreigner you can have more than one child, unlike the majority of local couples.

3. Sexually open: Apparently us Western girls know how to have a good time! I am going to do a whole post on this because I find it particularly fascinating.

4. Appearance: We look different. Unfortunately for Asian girls their eye and hair colour doesn't differ as much as in the West. They don't have blue or green eyes, no natural blondes or redheads...Unless it's "faked" through contact lenses or hair dye. Our eyes and noses are considered bigger, which is an attractive quality (apparently). They admire our white skin too.

5. Less demanding: I don't know if I necessarily agree with this, as many Western girls can be demanding. I guess it's more about the differences in the demands. It's a well known fact that in China these days for a guy to have any chance to marry he needs to have a good job and an apartment. If he doesn't have an apartment, he needs to have a plan in place to get one! Where I am from, girls usually have their plans for buying property if they don't already own. It's not assumed that the guy will provide us with one.

6. Trophy: Some guys see you as a trophy to have on display. He might be admired by some. A Chinese friend told me that once he was told by another guy he was the glory of all of China because he had a foreign girlfriend. He thought that was hilarious.

These are the ones that come to mind. If I think of anymore I'll add them to the list.

I am a good man.

2011-02-26T13:06:00.004+08:00

Yes, I have heard this often. "I am a good man." Now what he thinks makes him a good man and what I think makes him a good man, differs. I guess I spend a lot of time analysing Chinese men and why they think or do certain things. I was recently thinking how I have had this statement said to me a few times, and why he thinks he is a good man.

These are some of the reasons I came up with:
* He'll tell me to drink more hot water when I am ill.
* He'll tell me to "eat" medicine when it seems that the hot water isn't working.
* He'll tell me honestly that although I am fat, I look healthy. (Great.)
* He'll pay for me when we're dating, but if we're friends than as a Western woman we'll rivert to MY cutstoms - going dutch.
* He won't tell me anything substantial about what he thinks of me, apart from "I miss you."
* He will seem interested for a few days (maybe too much) and then drop off the face of the earth.
* He'll keep his options open as he doesn't really trust that as a foreign woman, you'll stick around that long.
* He will help you with anything, if you need it.
* He will make sure you get home safely.
* He can be unreliable, but he feels this contributes to what he likes about you: independence.

What do you think? Do these qualities make for a good man?

If only my teacher was this dreamy....

2011-02-20T23:08:00.005+08:00

So I recently decided I need to stop procrastinating and start learning Chinese (again). A trainer at the gym hooked me up with a student who said she could teach me. We had our first lesson yesterday. We've gone back to basics 'cause my tones are pretty much non-existent. My homework was to practice and she would test me in our next lesson.

So tonight I was searching on the net and came across some videos on youtube. I watched a couple and then I came across a H.A.M. His little English accent is adorable too! I don't think I have concentrated on learning a language ever. Ok, maybe I was also thinking of others things...He has cute rosy cheeks and I think I saw some dimples!

You can check out his blog and tell me what you think! It's also handy if you want to learn Chinese.

What's love got to do with it?

2011-02-20T11:55:00.004+08:00

As the old classic Tina Turner song goes..."What's love got do with?" I feel sometimes it's hard to fathom the idea I have of love and the idea Chinese people have about it. I have heard many times from both men and women here in China that they want a relationship based on love but then their words and actions don't correlate!

I have a few Chinese girlfriends and speaking to them, is usually where I become confused. They talk about a suitor so clinically. I realise that in China it's very important to have financial security because of the high costs involved with housing, education and medical expenses. Usually the description goes likes this: age, job, if he has his own apartment/car and if he has money. It's comparable to the West in some ways. However, we would talk about his looks and personality too. We usually only get onto those questions if I ask. So does that mean if he has a good job and property, that all the other pieces of the puzzle will fall into place?

I often feel that money = love in China. I don't make this remark to offend people but it's just an observation. I'm not sure if I have mentioned this before, but I once watched a documentary on migrant workers returning home for Spring festival. The Mother made a comment along these lines, "We don't know how to show our love like Western people. So, we have bought toys for our children (yes they had 2) to show them that we love them very much!" It made me feel sad. A child thinks his or her parents love him or her because of the material objects they are given? Chinese people will sacrifice a lot for their children and showing love can manifest itself in this way.

Western people in general grow up with the notion that showing love is by affection, words and doing things for people. I think in China it's similar but just shown in a different manner. However, I do feel that what we see as common courtesy or polite behaviour to others whether it be family, friends or strangers, is actually pigeon holed solely for family members in China. And these actions are considered ways in which to show love to their family or friends. I have noticed that attitudes towards PDA is changing. More and more couples are walking on the street hand in hand, even stealing the odd kiss here or there. I even saw this elderly couple on the bus a few weeks ago and he wanted his wife to sit on his lap. It was so cute, he also held her hand. You could tell she felt extremely uncomfortable! LOL

My student once told me, "My Mother criticises me a lot. I know she does this because she loves me!" Back home, we would think our Mother was just a nasty woman! Have we gone too soft in the West? Have we clouded our judgment so much with fluffy stuff like romance, that we can't find a decent partner? Are we thinking too much with our hearts and not enough with our heads?

Just when you thought it was your lucky night...

2011-02-20T03:41:00.003+08:00

So I went out tonight with a girl friend of mine. We'd enjoyed a bit of a "ladies night" at my apartment but were unable to convince the rest of the party to join us at the club. So, off we went and arrived at the club. It was still busy, which was a little surprising.

We were observing all the really drunk people and having a giggle amongst ourselves. In particular there were a group of ladies who looked like they'd enjoyed a ladies night of their own. One of them waved at me and I waved back. Harmless I thought.

A little later on I was dancing away when I suddenly felt some arms around me. I thought, "Hello, who do we have here?"....Then I realised the hands were quite small and very soft. Yes, they belonged to a woman :( She was the same girl I'd waved to earlier. Within a minute she'd waved her "posse" over and they were dancing with us. She must have felt some pressure to lead her "group" and so she suddenly grabbed my breasts and kissed me on the cheek. I didn't know what to do. Pretty quickly after they all left to my relief.

I did think that it was the most action I'd had in a while...But why did it have to come from a beret wearing 25 year old Chinese woman?!?! Life is so unfair sometimes.

Disclaimer: I am still under the influence of: 6 rum and cokes, 4 beers, 1 vodka alcopop...So if this post is uncomprehensible I apologise in advance.

Jay - The Green Hornet

2011-02-17T23:18:00.004+08:00

So in case you don't know...I think Jay Chou is a big old spunk rat! Him and his cute dimples - adorable!! I watched his Hollywood debut, "The Green Hornet" recently. To be honest, he wasn't great but it didn't help that he had to act opposite Seth "wooden" Rogen. The guy made Jay look bad! And Cameron...OMG don't get me started on her. She looked...in one word: OLD. I was quite happy to be honest, especially since I'd read online that she had refused to kiss Jay. She must have rocks in her head, that's all I can say!!!

Marriage Market

2011-02-16T09:37:00.005+08:00

I was recently in Shanghai and I'd heard about the "marriage market" that goes on in some parks in Shanghai. I believe it might happen in other cities within China too. I was staying very close to People's Park and so I thought I'd go and check it out.

Now it's basically parents, although it usually seems to be Grandparents, who sit around with information about the loved one they want to marry off. They also have the information posted up in walkways too. It states things like: date of birth, salary, if they have an apartment, if they've been married before or not. Some but not many have a photo also. Then if you're interested you can note down the phone number and call the person.

I went with a friend who can read Chinese and so he was translating for me. One guy who did have a photo up apparently earnt $300K per year (approx $45k US). He wasn't much chop looks wise. We moved on but then this Chinese lady came up to me and pointed out that guy and did the thumbs up! It was quite funny. I guess I looked like a gold digger or something.

It must be quite embarrasing for the child who is getting advertised. Chinese parents and Grandparents are known to put a lot of pressure on children when they are of a certain age. Maybe the children just allow them to do it but under certain conditions "Ok, ok you can go to the marriage market for me, BUT, no photo and I will chose the guy/girl I go out with!" Then hope that noone seems suitable. Also a lot of young Chinese people are very time poor and so they don't have the time to look for partners themselves?

Anyway if you're in Shanghai, check it out. During Chinese New Year they were out during the week too, but not sure if this is normal. The weekend is probably your best bet. Happy hunting!

Happy Valentine's Day

2011-02-14T15:54:00.005+08:00

So another Valentine's Day is rolling by and yet again I am single. Why???? I am thankful in many ways that I am living in China and not my home country. If I was in my home country I would have to endure:
* Seeing everyone in the office receive many bunches of flowers
* Been asked what I got for Valentine's Day, only to answer "Nothing" then they'd give me a sad, look of sympathy....

It's starting to become a popular "commercial" day here in China. I went out today and Pizza Hut was packed - apparently all girls like to eat pizza today!? And the chocolate aisle was jam packed in the supermarket. I looked like a loser buying some for myself, but I guess the other shoppers didn't know that!

I do think my gym has finally embraced some good marketing tactics too. I went to the gym to cheer myself up, and also, so I wouldn't feel guilty eating the before mentioned chocholate...I got chatting to my trainer and he said he had to go out to hand some marketing flyers out to punters on the street. I thought, "Good idea!" All the single people who have no dates at pizza hut today/tonight will be so depressed that they'll think losing weight is the only answer. Yay!

Anyway Happy Valentine's Day losers xoxo

Photos: McDonalds is doing a roaring trade for Valentines Day!
I made some love hearts for my friends :)

Priorities....According to me.

2011-02-13T21:16:00.002+08:00

So I was thinking about Western guys in their early 20's opposed to Chinese guys in their early 20's....Some similarities but generally their priorities or interests are quite different. So I have decided to do a top 5 things I think are important to Western guys...and a top 5 for Chinese guys. Yes, I realise I am neither a Western man or a Chinese man, but it's just for shits and giggles, ok?

Western Guys

1. Friends
2. Sex
3. Sport
4. Booze - as in alcohol
5. Family

Chinese Guys

1. Family
2. Internet games/QQ
3. Money
4. Eating/Food
5. Sex

The "other" Chinese guys

2011-02-13T20:54:00.003+08:00

I recently spent some time in Shanghai and I met some overseas born Chinese guys. It made me realise how much easier it is to relate to a guy who is from the "West" and not necessarily from the "East". In appearance they're Asian but their mindset is very Western.

They can relate to cultural references, and you can pretty much communicate clearly - all the guys I met had a very good grasp of the English language! I really started to question why I was even bothering with local Chinese guys???? I mean they're so much hard work. Most of them just see you as an "experience" or have some romanticised idea of been in a relationship with a Western girl.

These guys grew up with blonde, red, or brown haired girls all around them. They don't see Western girls as something that's exotic or unattainable. For them it's more that they're attracted to caucasian girls. Although not all, one or two do have an interest in Asian girls too.

I guess with these guys their families would be more accepting if their son's partner was Western, which could pose a problem if you dated a local guy in China. You have to contend with his family (can happen in the West too, I realise this), his obligations to his family, language, and been on the same page for big decisions. A reltionship is hard enough as it is, without the added stress of trying to work out why he's acting the way he is because he has a different outlook to you. Girls tend to overanalyse situations and dating a Chinese guy makes your mind go into overdrive. You often wonder why he's doing this, and doing that. However, he's probably not doing the same about you, so there's a lack of understanding from both sides...but more so his!

I just think that overseas born Asian guys seem less stress.....

Hello Shanghai!!!

2011-02-06T23:12:00.002+08:00

So I have been in Shanghai for a few days now. I consider Shanghai my second home in China. I really love it here. It's cosmopolitan, happening and full of hot men! Not all of them are Asian too.

Last night I went to the club, "M2" to try and hold onto some youth. There was A LOT of eye candy. I just devastated that I wasn't looking all cute and sexy...Oh well. Clubs I've decided are purely for looking and not for anything else. It's so loud and packed that doing anything but elbowing your way to the bar is useless. So I stood around getting whiplash looking here and there...And also attempting to dance between the great number of people.

I saw many Western women but none of them were with Asian guys. Of course, I saw many foreign guys with local girls. It's a real shame. I think that if local guys or even Japanese, Korean guys made the effort to approach Western girls they may make some connections. I guess it goes both ways. The Western girls can approach them too. There are countless discussions about this online...It deserves a whole post in itself.

Say what you mean

2011-01-30T16:38:00.002+08:00

I often have Chinese people say to me in person, email or send me sms's with messages that I think...Do you really mean that? The most common is, "I miss you." Now, it's all fine and dandy to miss me, but usually I hardly know the person or I haven't heard from them in a long time. It's only after I instigated some contact that apparently they've realised, "You know what, haven't spoken to you in months, but I miss you!"

My Chinese is pretty shite. Now, if my Chinese was better maybe I'd know if Chinese people just throw around phrases like this, without any thought? I mean, most Western people wouldn't just say they liked, loved or missed someone unless they a) meant it b) wanted to get themselves out of trouble or c) forgot who they were sending the message to.

I used to dislike people who would say things without any meaning but as I've gotten older I've become less cynical in some ways. I think ok if you want to tell me you love me after I've known you for a week, and it makes YOU feel all warm and fuzzy inside, than who am I to disallow you of that pleasure? I guess it's not hurting me. You just have to make sure you don't start believing it all. That's when you can get into trouble. Especially be wary of the guys who already have partners....

Why such the hurry?

2011-01-26T21:46:00.003+08:00

I have been wondering recently if Chinese men have a biological clock I'm not aware of? I recently spent some time with a Chinese girl who is looking for a suitable husband/sugar Daddy. She has found one suitable man but now that's it time to commit she's unsure. The main reason is that he'd like to be married in 6 months time - they met about 2 months ago. She'd like to wait 2 years. This is not the only problem in their "relationship". His reasons for wanting to marry are also the reasons why he doesn't want to marry her. Let me explain.

He feels that once she hits 30 or so she'll be bored of him and looking for an additional playmate. And if they wait for 2 years...and it doesn't work out between them, then he'll be 32, with a lot less options but she'll still be of acceptable marrying age - 24-25. Why he thinks at 32 he's "over the hill", is beyond me? From what I can tell, many Chinese girls want a guy who is aged 30-40.

I am also in the process of getting to know a guy who's in his 30's. He has told me many times that we can/should get married quickly. And we're not getting any younger, to which I reply that he is older than me, so he can speak for himself! :)

A Chinese female friend told me it's common for Chinese people to have short courtships. They feel that if you have the same goals, then there's no use in wasting time. Love can come later. From my observations it seems that financial stability and what that brings to the relationship, develops feelings of love. Sounds crazy but I feel that Chinese people see money as love. You buy me that handbag, you must love me. Buy me an expensive mobile phone you must REALLY love me. And the list goes on.

UPDATE: I mention an older guy in this post that I was considering a relationship with...Well we decided recently that we're better off been friends. He has this crazy plan that he WILL be married this year. Having only met once, I felt it was too fast, too soon...The hunting continues!

Ktv

2010-11-30T17:51:00.002+08:00

I enjoy the odd jaunt to Ktv (karaoke) now and then. I can't sing to save myself, but I never let that deter me. Especially, if I've had a few beverages or two! Ktv has suddenly become even more appealing.....

A few weeks ago I went to Ktv with a couple of friends. The place we usually like to go to was full, so we went to another one. I had never been to this one before. We walked up to our room, which was on the 2nd floor. The hallway was full of girls waiting to be purchased.

You can buy a girl to sit and party basically. Also additional "services" can be acquired if desired. I didn't think much of the girls, but then they're not my cup of tea, so to speak.

After a couple of hours straining the vocal chords we left. I don't know how it happened but I ended up finding out that the Ktv also offered guys. I could hardly contain myself! I went outside to tell my friends, who thought that the guy at the counter mustn't have understood me. I said, "I'm sure he did!" So my friend who has a much better grasp of Chinese went in and asked. Within one minute he returned advising, I was correct, guys were on offer! So exciting.

I don't really have high hopes. I know more than likely these guys will look like pre pubescent teenagers with a bad fashion sense to match. However, you never know when you need a little pep me up and a H.A.M might lurk amongst the skinny man-boys. I haven't been back yet, but I will. It's just a matter of time....

H.A.M hunting is hazardous to your ego.

2010-11-09T18:27:00.003+08:00

So today I was walking along, ok I wasn't walking, but merely shuffling when I spotted some tall, strapping young men. Now, we had a massive downpour of snow yesterday and so that's why I was shuffling along. They were dressed in their combat gear and were pushing a long some oversized wheelbarrows. They were on their way to shovel snow and ice.

I was blatantly checking them out instead of watching where I was going. Within 5 seconds I had gone from looking to my right, to hitting the ground. The first thing I thought was, "Why did I have to fall now?!?!" So I am struggling to get up. I guess I looked like a baby seal on its first venture out on the ice. As I get up I notice not all of the guys had passed by me yet. There was one guy who was looking over and had a big smile on his face. I could've died. However, I didn't die 'cause really you can't die from stupidity. Ok you can die from stupidity but not in this circumstance.

I dust myself off and start shuffling off to work. I decide that although I have told a Chinese friend several times that she needs to keep her peepers open for any opportunity to spot potential guys, this rule should be ignored in Winter. Or at least just do it when indoors and it's a bit safer. Otherwise next time I might hurt more than my ego.

Personal training - Chinese style

2010-11-05T12:25:00.006+08:00

In a bid to shift some lard, I've enlisted the help of a skinny personal trainer who has never had a weight problem in his life. That said, he's a task master and so I have faith that he'll whip me into shape.

The first two sessions I had with him, I often caught him gazing at my abodmen. The look was a cross between, "Maybe this laowai pregnant and not know it?" and "Why I say yes this laowai, she has too much fat!" (Note: I made his thoughts in Chinglish..ha ha) When I'd bust him, he'd look up and give me a smile that was trying to reassure me and him, I'm sure! Every session he talks about my fat and how I need to have self control when it comes to eating. Ok, I get it!!!!!

A conversation we had on Wednesday of this week, went a little like this. Trainer: "Chinese people think laowai, how I say? Ummm very fat."
Me: "Yes, I guess in comparison we are a lot bigger."
Trainer: "Yes, some Chinese people think laowai very, very fat like you!"
Me: "Umm thanks."
A sidenote to this conversation is previously I had told him I didn't like how some members of the gym thought it was their God given right to tell me how fat I was. He'd asked me if it upset me, and I'd said, "Yes". He obviously has a short term memory problem.

After this conversation it moved onto men. Maybe, I'd steered the conversation to this topic :) I said I didn't mind how some of the men worked out without their shirts on. He said it was considered impolite and they needn't take their shirts off as it wasn't cold. I laughed at this, as he was absolutely right. It isn't hot at all, in fact we're waiting for our first big snowfall here. I told him I didn't mind as some of the guys had nice bodies to look at. Of course, this must be their main motivation for going topless! We had an example to look at and my trainer thought this guy should definitely be wearing more clothes than less. I said the guy was kind of old and had an average head on him, but whatever. All my trainer took from that was, I considered him ugly because he wore glasses which was not what I'd said. Although I've learnt it's just easier to agree.

My trainer often asks me if I'm tired too. I am starting to think I should say yes, but I know either way it'll be of no benefit to me. Nothing I do seems to impress him. I did 40 mins on the cross trainer and then he instructed me to run for 30 mins. This is standard of our sessions, I'll do a warm up and he'll want more. I wasn't overally impressed but I did it. I often try to get to the gym earlier than my session is suppose to start as I want to optimise my time with him. In other words I don't want to spend my hour on the treadmill with him standing next to me.

We also did a weigh in and I was happy with the results. He wasn't. He wanted more. I was about to protest that last week was my birthday and I had slightly over indulged on a couple of days, when I realised I hadn't told him that! I had left out the deep fried goodness I had for my birthday dinner...the cake I had been given by my students...the beers and tequila shot I had on Friday night...and the buffet lunch I enjoyed on Saturday. So, I agreed that it wasn't the best outcome and I'd try harder this week.

I have only a few sessions left with my trainer. I don't know whether to continue with him or just go it alone.

A H.A.M + mission/cause = Very HOT!

2010-11-03T18:52:00.005+08:00

So I have a H.A.M friend who resides in Shanghai, and he's organising a charity bike ride. I think it's such a nice thing he's doing seen as organising this kind of event has taken him months and months.

It's also for a great cause! His charity for the ride is "The Library Project".
http://www.library-project.org/adopt_a_library.htmlThey work mainly in areas affected by natural disasters and communities of low income earners. I guess growing up in a developed country you just take it for granted that you can visit your school library or city's library to borrow books whenever you wanted. For some of these children it's the first time they've been able to see books in different languages such as English, Japanese, Korean and Russian.

So I just wanted to give a shout out for my friend's charity bike ride and if you want to support it, click below!
http://www.bohdi.com.cn/jason_charity_timetrial_in_moganshan.html

Lack of inspiration and motivation.....

2010-11-02T21:38:00.000+08:00

So I haven't posted for over a month now. At first I was busy chasing some H.A.M but now it just seems I've lost my motivation and inspiration. I've always known that the amount of H.A.M in this neck of the woods was uninspiring to say the least. However, I kept a positive attitude and if that didn't work I'd get drunk and pretend there were H.A.M in abundance.

I've started a health kick and now I'm not drinking so much. I'm spending more hours in the gym and so this has become my new hunting ground. Even this is depressing to some extent. I'm surrounded by "fat Chinese" chicks who are 55 kilos at the most and guys who are pushing 45. There is one oasis in the desert though. He's a trainer at the gym. He's also 25 and single. I've done the Chinese thing and asked him both these things.

As I am a Westerner, I still couldn't wrap my head around asking him straight out if he had a girlfriend so I did it in an indiscreet way. :) There's a cute girl who is also a trainer at the gym. I asked him if she was his girlfriend. He said no, but basically he wished she was. He went on to say that she had a very good boyfriend who at the age of 22 has a car, his own apartment and a lot of money. Then she had the gall to pry him away from me everytime she was bored with standing around looking pretty! I was not impressed, I can tell you. "Don't be a greedy bitch", I thought to myself! If I have to spend another 40 minutes on this cross trainer he can at least stand next to me so I have something to look at!

He kept me entertained for approximately 4 workouts until I realised he does seem to have a "thing" for that girl. Sigh. Now, I just look aimlessly around the gym in the hope that the sales people do their job right for once and sign on some hot members. I even mentioned this to my personal trainer to which he replied, "I am handsome!" Ok, but you weigh around half my weight and for the last 10 months I thought you were gay. I guess he's not.

I think I could be onto a winner here.....

2010-09-27T22:23:00.000+08:00

So my friend told me about "host clubs" in Japan. Now, if you don't know what a host club is, here's a quick rundown. Basically females can go to these clubs and pay for guys to drink with them. The guys make commission off your drinks, so their aim is to get you drinking as much booze as they can. However, they also need to keep themselves "nice" so they have to make sure they don't go from been a "good" host, to "passed out" host. Apparently some do develop alchohol related diseases from all the boozing they do. If you pay enough, they may give your chimmey a sweep for the night too!

I thought to myself what a brilliant concept. So brilliant that I am sure I could make a go of it here. I had a look at some pictures floating around on the internet of these host guys, and to be honest they aren't my cup of tea. Most are skinny, have hair do's which would go down well at a White Snake concert, or a peacock's bum. Many have also dyed their locks a caramel colour. They don't look very masculine in my opinion either.

I guess that would rule out any ideas of me "road testing" these guys beforehand. I'd have to go for guys that local ladies wanted, which would be the complete opposite of what I think is hot. Although apparently it's not important to be good looking, as much as your ability to charm, flirt and hold a decent conversation. If I am going to pay some guy to sit with me and drink, he better be looking good from the get go, not as the night progresses and I've downed a bottle of whiskey!

There seems to be a lot of older ladies who go to my gym. Now, I've been told that people who go to my gym have money. These ladies do spend a lot of time there, so maybe they're a bit lonely at home and a bit fustrated? I have even witnessed some of them flirting with other older men, which was a bit gross. I guess, seeing them been all googly eyed over a young guy, could be worse but if I am taking their cash, who cares, right?

I might just have to start saving my kuai's in order to do a "research" trip to Japan :)

Post post: I met a Chinese girl recently and told her of my idea. She thought it was great. She said something along these lines..."The bar will be full every night!"

Expectations I'll probably never meet....

2010-09-01T17:50:00.000+08:00

So in my last post I wrote about some of the expectations that I felt I can easily achieve or accept. Now for some that may hinder me from been a good "Chinese housewife". Maybe this would apply to other Asian countries too but I haven't lived in any others, so I am not sure.

1. Being thin. This I'm not. Now, before I lived in China I just assumed that Asian women were naturally thin and could just eat what they wanted. Hell, they eat so much rice, they must be able to eat what they want right? Umm, no. Chinese women actually closely watch their diets.

I've been given so much advice about "how to lose my fat" that it's a wonder I haven't written a diet book. On the most part they do have a healthy outlook: eat more fruit and vegetables, less meat and exercise more. However, I have been told about the "2 apples, 1 orange" per day diet. Oh yes, that's all my student ate everyday for at least 3 weeks. "Just don't eat, that would be best for you", was another great piece of advice. I tried to explain that I wasn't the type to just not eat!

Also you should dedicate a lot of time at the gym. I go to the gym nearly everyday. I recently went to school to pick up something before going to gym. I saw my work colleague and she said, "Oh you go to do your exercise now?" Yes, I replied. This was around 11am or so. I then saw her again at 5pm 'cause I was meeting some work colleagues. "Oh you've finished your exercise?" I couldn't believe that she thought I'd exercise for 5 hours?!? However, many members of the gym I go to, hang out at the gym for hours. I refrained from saying they "exercise" because for many of them it's more of a social experience. Don't get me wrong, they do work out but they also chit chat, flirt and play pool a lot too!

2. Looking after my "husband's" salary. I know, I know, most people would think I'm crazy not to think I couldn't look after my husband's money, but I don't manage my own money well so how could I take on someone else's too?

Chinese women are expected to look after their husband's salary. If he's lucky he'll get a small allowance. I don't know if any man or woman should trust me with their money. I guess most mother-in-laws would be quick to give me some tips! I guess it's a skill, even at my age that I could learn :) Also, hopefully I'll be so busy "managing" his money that I'd be able to save my own wage! I'm so full of good ideas sometimes :)

3. In-laws. Oh yes, letting the in-laws live with me. This expectation amongst Chinese families is changing, but it's still common enough to sometimes scare me away from Chinese guys in particular. Even if the in-laws don't live with you, they'll more than likely be close enough to be round your apartment more times than I'd care for.

Living arrangements in China are generally apartments, 2 bedrooms normally. To be blunt, I can't have "sexy time" with my man when his Mother is sleeping less 5 metres away. How could I possibly enjoy myself? I couldn't. It's just not right.

These are just some of the expectations that I can think of.

Low expectations

2010-08-27T23:50:00.000+08:00

I feel that in some ways that expectations of me as a girlfriend or wife in China would be lower than what they would be at home. In some aspects I think it's terrific and in other ways it makes me a bitter Western woman.

1. Property. I am not expected to own my own property or even contribute to the buying of property. At home, I don't know of any girl who is waiting for her Prince Charming to come along with a set of house keys. Most of my friends have either purchased property independantly or with their partner.

2. Clothing. I can wear anything that doesn't match in colour or pattern. This is completely acceptable. Even stocking sockettes with sandals in Summer is acceptable.

3. "Maintenance". I am not expected to maintain any hair on my body. I can crimp, perm, have a mullet, all ok. Although long hair does seem to have some kind of preference over short. I don't have to trim downstairs either if I don't want to.

4. Career. I think that Chinese men respect a girl if she has a career and wants to be successful, but it's not expected. I think this is slowly changing and the days of girls giving up work as soon as they're married, or given birth are slowly been numbered.

5. Money. I'm not expected to have money but you should. Actually as a Western woman I guess there is an expectation that we're all rich, and so maybe there is an expectation we have money. I am expected to look after your money, so this could be a big risk to a Chinese guy.....ha ha.

Maybe next time I'll blog on the expectations that I may not be able to fulfill as a Western woman because of the cultural divide.

Maybe it's time for a change in tactic.....

2010-08-27T23:31:00.001+08:00

So my birthday is coming up. For some reason, this year I'm thinking about the fact I'm not getting any younger. Which in turn makes me think about the fact I'm single, unmarried and childless. Usually after some days at work, I think not having a child is a very good decision on my behalf. Other days I am not so sure.

Now, of course I love H.A.M's but they're not really loving me. So it makes me think it's time to change tact. When I was in New York I saw many black guys. More than I've probably seen in my whole life. Now the thing with the guys I saw, is that they had really hot, toned bodies. Yeah, I'm superficial, what can I say?

Technically they're still H.A.M's - Hot American Men, or Hot African Men....

Then on the plane back to Australia I was watching this Jessica Simpson show "The Price of Beauty". In the particular episode I watched she went all the way to Uganda. Now, I wasn't expecting much after seeing her in "The Newlyweds" where she thought that buffalo's actually had wings...Uhuh.

The episode ended up being quite insightful. In Uganda, the men like their women with some "cushioning". In a direct way, the fatter, the better. Thank you Jesus, I knew you would answer my prayers! So when a lady is going to get married, she is sent to the "fattening hut" for 2 months prior to her marriage. She is fed milk infused with herbs several times a day. The women are even expected to wear clothes which make them look bigger, especially around the hips and bum.

I guess after my initial excitement levelled out, I realised that I'd never make a good goat herder's wife. For one, I don't want to be forced to put on weight. Drinking milk all day long for 2 months, doesn't exactly sound appealing. I think I'm slightly lactose intolerant so putting on weight via milk may not work for me. Also as much as I love hot weather, living in Uganda might not be for me. I'd be like an old leather boot within 5 years.

Maybe I'll need to re think this strategy as "back up plan b".

HAM Hunting across the globe

2010-08-14T02:23:00.000+08:00

So for my Summer holidays I've been to Australia, New York, Bali and Shanghai. You would think that after covering all that territory I would be able to report back on all the H.A.M that I came across. Wrong.

I must admit that when I was in New York I didn't actively seek out H.A.M. I was staying more in the "Latino Quarter" and Spanish would've been a more helpful language than the piss weak Chinese that I know. I guess if I'd gone to Chinatown then yes, I probably would've spotted more.

I'm sceptical about Bali now after seeing a preview of a documentary that came out last year. It's called, "Cowboys in Paradise". Apparently it follows some of the local surfers in Bali who like to "prey" on Western woman. They whisper sweet nothings, give them a good time and in return the ladies shower them with money and gifts. In some ways it's a win-win situation, as the women are getting the attention that they crave and the guys don't have to worry how they'll pay for their next nasi goreng. I am yet to see this documentary but I will.

Shanghai was a surprise. I've been to Shanghai quite a few times. What I did notice this time, was the amount of good looking foreigners. Although I have a good friend in Shanghai who is Chinese, and he's a H.A.M, so my Summer did end on a good note :)

Hunting grounds

2010-08-07T06:43:00.001+08:00

So, I recently returned to Australia for a holiday. I was excited at the prospect of a new hunting ground. It soon became apparent that I would be disappointed but distracted in a good way. There were hot men but mostly they weren't Asian.

If you're in Brisbane and want to hunt for some H.A.M's, then I recommend the following places:

*Southbank Cinemas, especially on a Tuesday when it's "tight ass Tuesday". Ok, admittedly more than likely these guys are going to be students and obviously cheap, but I did spot an especially buffed H.A.M lining up for a ticket one Tuesday recently.

*Valley - China Town. Do I need to say anymore?

* Sunnybank Hills - the official "Asian 'Hood" of Brisvegas. If you can't spot a H.A.M here then you must be in the need of a new furry, blonde coated companion or a white cane.

*Elizabeth Arcade in the City. Again, more than likely frequented by Asian students but 9 times out of 10, they're of legal age so who cares? And also the food is good and cheap here too!

*West End markets on a Saturday. Unfortunately, the guys you see here are usually mixed amongst packs of fellow female students. So they're usually laden down with bags of vegies and fruit. Not much chance of you making conversation or trying to grab their number. At least you can comfort yourself with a cupcake if your hunting expedition fails (they're good!)

I think these are my top picks for H.A.M hunting in Brissie. Hopefully you'll have more success than I did!!

Man o man

2010-07-04T13:16:00.000+08:00

Apparently where I live in China, the "men are men", opposed to in the South of China where men are considered more feminine. I am not sure that the men are manly enough for me though. The men are definitely more masculine than the previous city I lived in. I guess I want a man who treats me like a lady but doesn't necessarily compromise his masculinity. I don't want a man who carries my handbag while we're shopping or walking along the street. I also don't want a guy who wears a matching t-shirt with me or holds an umbrella for me so I don't get sunburnt. Ok, in some ways it's sweet but all I can think is "Get some balls man!"

I do like the fact that some men where I currently live have "ink". I am not a huge fan of tattoos but I do feel it makes a man, more sexy and manly. Maybe in some ways I'm grasping at straws here. I just struggle internally with my attraction for Asian guys and the fact I am questioning whether they're straight or gay. I know the traits I don't necessarily find attractive, local girls do. They like their men skinny, family-oriented and financially supporting them. Maybe in some ways I'm too "Western" to be with an Asian guy?

I mean I'll never be that wife who will enjoy having her in-laws living with her. I like earning my own money and not having to rely on a man to provide me with everything I want. Of course, a guy who is on a good wage does make a relationship easier 'cause finances can become a big wedge between two people. I also like affection and I find sometimes Chinese guys find this difficult or awkward.

I guess these are just some cultural differences I'll have to overcome or realise that maybe my fascination with H.A.M's can't bring me the happiness I want.

Junk in the trunk

2010-06-20T14:47:00.000+08:00

I am sure most of you know the expression "junk in the trunk", but if not, it refers to a person having a big butt or at least some "padding" in that region. Now there is not much junk in the trunk in my neck of the woods. Actually Chinese people are known for their small behinds. Not sure how or why but the majority of them aren't packing much in the seat of their pants that's for sure.

I'll admit I like looking at guy's arses. I used to be a bicep kind of girl but they seem to be non-existent here as well. So I've switched to bottoms. I guess it all started off with "wanna-be-cop". I met him in Chengdu. He was training to be a policeman when we met. I know, just the fact he was trying to be a cop was a turn on. He was also extremely bossy, which was another attractive trait (to some extent). Given the fact I was well and truly in cougar territory I looked for ways to justify our "relationship". If you could even call it a relationship.

Now he had to work out a lot at college, and he definetly had "junk in the trunk". Oh my lord, it was quite spectacular. I liked to touch his butt, a lot. He didn't really like it, actually I think it made him uncomfortable. I actually didn't care and advised that his butt was mine! I really miss his butt, but not so much the rest of him. It's like when you get wasted for the first time and then you're forever chasing that same high...I'm still looking for a butt that can excite me as much as his did. And I may have found one..............

I am yet to confirm whether this guy's butt is as pert, firm and smooth as "wanna-be-cop". He hangs out at the local. He's also training to be a pilot - that alone is enough to set pulses racing. However, it's what he's got "deep in the jeans he's wearing, and I'm hoooked and I can't stop staring" (Ok, yes I love that song "I like big butts), that's got me interested. I remarked to my girlfriend about his butt and she agrees, it's asking to be touched. Her and I share glances whenever we're near him. She has encouraged me to just grab it, but I kind of know him now and feel that I can't. I'd have to at least ask. "So, do you think you'd mind if I grabbed your bottom?"

I really should've done it last night when I saw him but I chickened out. He's also got a lispy accent when he speaks English and it just doesn't make him sound so...manly. Not wanting to offend anyone with a lisp! It's just that, now I feel the fantasy of him and his butt has been shattered in my mind. I had spoken to him before but I didn't notice his voice before (obviously I was focusing on more important things!) I am off to Bejing soon and he'll be in Canada by the time I come back to China. I might just have to leave it up to my girlfriend to "take one for the team" and give me a blow, by blow account of her experience.

"I like big butts and I cannot lie....."

Ode to World Cup...well kind of

2010-06-14T09:57:00.000+08:00

In the spirit of the World Cup, currently being held in South Africa, I wanted to pay tribute to one player in particular. I would've liked to write about several but I checked the "A-Z" player listing on FIFA's website and the H.A.M talent is lacking this year.

I think it's so lacking that this will actually be about a retired player - Hidetoshi Nakata. He retired after the 2006 World Cup in Germany. It's a pity he's not weaving his "buns" across the park anymore. It would be a welcome sight as far as I'm concerned. Sigh.

Now if anyone doesn't believe that Hidetoshi isn't hot, you need to check out his campaign for Calvin Klein X underwear. http://www.xmarkyourspot.com/ OMG. He is such a specimen. I also like his cute little Japlish accent :) I am not usually into doing hand washing, but I would definitely like to wash my smalls on that stomach of his!!!

The only thing that concerns me is that I can't seem to find out anything about him having a girlfriend. Normally I'd jump for join and do cartwheels if I could actually do them, but then I know he's into fashion, grooming and is Editor-At-Large for magazine Monocle. This is certainly not pointing in the direction I'd like. All I can hope is that he turns his back on fashion, and looking stylish or I fear it could never work between him and I. I am personally the biggest dag and living in China only cultivates that. It's the country where it's acceptable to wear any colour, any print together. Also where you can wear ankle stockings with your high heels and hot pants. Although even I know that's a fashion police offence!

As the Socceroos got a caning last night by Germany, I am off to play and replay Hide's Calvin Klein campaign footage. It's the only thing that can console me at this point...............

Internet Dating - Chinese style!

2010-05-11T19:37:00.000+08:00

So I was bored last week and logged onto a local Internet dating website. It's called jiayuan.com. First of all I put in my search criteria: Looking for: boyfriend, Province, City and then age: 28-40. Clicked the search button and within 5 secs I had pages and pages of men come up on my screen! Oh how exciting I thought to myself.

The excitement continued for a short time. I liked the fact that it stated the man's monthly salary, if they owned property, if they're an only child and their blood type. Yes blood type is vital. You never know when you may need an emergency blood transfusion. And who better, than your own partner? However, the excitement soon turned to disappointment.

These so-called 28-40 yr old males made me look like a teenager. I remember viewing one guy's profile and he had stated that he was 34 years old. All I can say is that he must have had a very, very hard upbringing. He looked like he was more than 50. He wasn't the only one, most of them looked at least 5-15 years older.

So I decided it was time to lower my standards. I put in 25-35 years for the search criteria. It was just as dismal. So then I changed it again to 22-30 years and jackpot! I found one H.A.M. Oh yes, he's quite the specimen. Apparently he's a nurse or so Google translator tells me. He even speaks English and doesn't mind the occasional drink. It's just a pity he's 24 years old.

I think Internet dating must be a new concept in China. The profile pictures that are displayed by these guys are at best described as average. Many are taken via web cam...with big old headphones on and all. They rarely smile, I guess because some have bad teeth? I am sure there is a business venture to be had for sure! Surely someone could advise these guys on better ways to sell themselves. I guess the local ladies just want to know the vital statistics though - age, salary and if they own any property.

Thankfully for me, I just see jiayun.com as a way to pass some time.

A night at the Disco

2010-05-05T20:30:00.000+08:00

I haven't updated my blog in a while. To be honest I've been waiting for some inspiration. Unfortunately it hasn't really happened, but I did have a strange experience a month or so ago.....

A Chinese girlfriend and I decided to go to the capital city of our province. We wanted to have a night out there, seen as we'd heard a few stories about the clubs. Unlike the city we reside in, this city has clubs that are open past 1am, I know the scandal of it all! So off we went after work on this Friday night to see what mischief we could find.

We made it to a club around 9pm, but in hindsight it was a tad early. It did give us a chance to get a table and seat though. In this particular club there's a main area, occupied by locals and a small bar area occupied mostly by foreigners.

After a few hours the bar was well and truly pumping. It was more interesting to people watch than anything. At the time, I remarked that it's the closest I've felt to being in a club like one at home. The booze was flowing and people were getting loose. However, I think it was more like a high school disco experience that I could relate it to.

First of all there were the two Russian girls putting on a lesbian show, encouraged by the bar manager. Then there were the two Korean guys. It was like they'd discovered their Mother's stash of cask wine in the fridge which they could help themselves to and she'd never be the wiser. They were full of cheap confidence that you knew only alcohol could bring them.

The Koreans were quite entertaining really. Within a short period they each had a lady around the waist and were dancing to the music. One was forever edging his hands down to his lady's butt but unfortunately for him she wasn't having any of it! His friend was doing much better. He was even getting in some "party pashes", although it didn't seem like she was enjoying the tonsil hockey he was trying to play with her. Her and her friend made tracks within 15 Min's. And I'm sure like any good disco experience, no names or numbers were exchanged.

After the Koreans lost their mojo, I somehow picked mine up. Yep, I always tend to attract the weirdos, it doesn't matter where I am or what I am wearing. They love me. Maybe they see something in me, that they can relate to? I'd hope that's not the case...but you know the old saying "takes one, to know one."

I had this local Chinese guy come to make small talk, or maybe I should say "spray talk" with me. He was quite on his way. He'd definitely had a couple of drinks to boost his confidence. At this stage of the night he wasn't shy, at all. Oh no, he was just putting it all out on the table. "I love you." Yes, he kept claiming this. I told him that although I was flattered it was too early in the "relationship" for these kind of claims.

He was sneaky too. I know hard to believe he'd have any tricks up his sleeve seen as he could hardly stand, but he did. OK, they were poor efforts but I was still taken aback at his brazenness. He asked me where I was from, leaning into me. I went to lean in and yell in his ear when he did a quick turn of the head. Suddenly his mouth was all over mine and his tongue was spinning more quickly than a washing machine on a spin dry cycle. Oh it was foul.

He was also strong. I did manage to pry him off me, eventually. Then I had to search for tissues so I could wipe all the saliva off my face. EEK. I got my girlfriend and we made tracks.

I later remarked to my friend that he'd obviously been with a Western girl before. The reason I believe this, he wasn't short of confidence in approaching me or making moves on me. OK, yes he was shitfaced but I've seen many, many Chinese guys in the same situation and none of them have done what he did that night. I am sure he got lucky....once...and thought he could try his luck again. If only he was a H.A.M..................

Qingdao, where are you hiding all your H.A.M's?

2010-04-05T21:26:00.000+08:00

So I just got back from Qingdao. It's a coastal city in China, once occupied by the Germans and they also hosted the sailing events for the 2008 Olympic games. I thought Qingdao would be more impressive than it was, and unfortunately I was also deeply unimpressed with the H.A.M. There were none.

I hunted, and I hunted, and I did not see one h.a.m-alicious man. Even my travelling companion exclaimed that we should check out "The pretty girls to make ourselves feel better." I wasn't sure why this would make me feel better. However, less than half a day later she went on to say, "Oh there aren't even any pretty girls to look at. This is bad. Why are all the people here so...ugly?" If you live in Qingdao and know a H.A.M, feel free to prove me wrong.

So I've arrived back home and to make myself feel better I've been searching for pictures of Takeshi Kaneshiro. Oh he is a H.A.M and a half. More on him another time....He deserves a whole post all by himself.

Budgies are everywhere....

2010-03-28T20:04:00.000+08:00

There is a syndrome known as the "budgie syndrome". The budgie syndrome occurs in some males that attend the free weights area of a gym. They spend more time looking in the mirror then working out. The bird species, budgerigar are known for loving mirrors sick and this is where the name of this symdrome originated.

I saw this symdrome played out in my gym back in Australia, but in China it's like it's gone to a whole new level. I used to live in Chengdu and the particular gym I had a membership at, had a lot of mirrors. I would often see the guys in the free weights area checking themselves out,... and checking themselves out. I think the ratio of working out to looking in the mirror was 1:4. Even after showering and changing, the mirrors got a good workout on the way out too. Although to be fair it was more the female population taking their sweet time exiting than the males.

Where I live now, the gym still has its' fair share of mirrors. Mirrors in gyms, bring out the inner budgie in some members. I find it amusing really. I especially liked the guy who was wearing a tracksuit top one day a few months ago. He needed to get a better look at all the hard work he'd being doing in the last 5mins so he proceeded to unzip his jacket. It revealed his bare chest underneath. He was parading around, not caring who was looking. Believe you me, I looked. Yes he did have a good body but not what I'd consider a H.A.M.

And so you see people...budgies are everywhere!

What's all the fuss about?

2010-03-25T18:19:00.000+08:00

People often ask me why I like H.A.M's so much. I guess what they're really asking is, why a white girl would be attracted to an Asian guy? There are several reasons I find Asians guy so hot.

First off I find them interesting. Not in an intellectual way, but more in a shallow way. I could honestly sit for hours just staring and watching Asian guys. I'm lucky I live in China and so I have hundreds, of thousands of guys around me on any given day. I find the fact that many of them look so effeminite interesting. I mean most of these guys I can't tell if they're girls or guys. Usually these guys can also maintain your interest because of their wacky hairstyles. They also look like they weigh less than my thigh. Ok maybe I am weird.

Then you'll have the complete opposite. Guys who are simply old school kind of guys. They look like they demand eggs, or more than likely rice to be exact (because let's face facts we're not talking about NZ) on the table by 6pm or there'll be hell to pay! They look quite manly but unfortunately they usually wear alot of synthetic fabrics which isn't cool. However I still find them interesting.

I am one of those girls who likes to rub fabrics across her cheek. Yes if I see a soft chenille or a minky I'm picking it up and rubbing it all over my cheek. Don't be judging me either, because I know many of you have done it at least once in your life! So when I see a H.A.M I have this compulsion to rub cheeks with him. Of course I don't, but I would love to. Their skin is so soft and smooth. Their soft skin and lack of body hair makes me feel like a rare species of crocodile with hair though(not sure if it's been discovered yet...). I usually hope that they're so happy a white girl likes them that they don't notice!

The number one attraction for me however, is the eyes. I love their almond-shaped eyes. It's just so hot. If I was honest, I'd have to say I'm not a huge fan of the very small Asian eyes. I've seen some Chinese guys with eyes so small that I wonder how they can actually see anything! It might be the reason I had some guys asked me if I was Chinese once!

From my experience they treat their ladies well too. I haven't had a lot of experience with Asian guys but from what I have experienced it's been very positive. They will pay for you if you go out. They open doors for you. They will carry your handbag, although I draw the line at that! It's just old-fashion courtship. Usually the Chinese guys will give their wives their salary cards too. So the wives control all the money. Now, what woman wouldn't like to have access to all of her man's money? I know I would!

These are just some of the reasons why I find H.A.M's so attractive. I'm sure in blogs to come, I will reveal more!

Where did it all begin?

2010-03-20T21:58:00.000+08:00

A H.A.M quite simply is a hot Asian man. A few years ago I came up with this acronym as a bit of fun. I'm Australian and we're known for our lazy speech patterns. We like to abbreviate nouns and names. For example - hols (holidays); bevvies (beverages); Shirls (Shirley); Trev (Trevor); Tash (Natasha) and the list goes on. H.A.M can be interpreted in many ways though.
Hot...
African man
Albanian man
Albino man (not sure if this is possible...but each to their own)
Algerian man
American man
Argentine man
Austrian man
Australian man

I think my fascination with Asian guys started back in 1995. I had just moved to Brisbane from my hometown of 30 000 people. I thought I was going to be studying business subjects with an emphasis on the fashion industry. However, I soon learnt that the first six months at least would be focused on design, patternmaking and construction. Basically we had to do the same subjects as the kids from the design strand.

I was slightly overwhelmed by these turn of events until I laid eyes on Tats. (We'll call him Tats because that's close to his real name.) He was this tall, God-like man with cheek bones to rival RuPaul. He had bleached blonde hair and he was Japanese. I was in lust. He was just so beautiful and mysterious.

I was jealous of the design students who got to spend time with him on a daily basis. We had our own Japanese man in our class, but he was no Tats. I hoped being the only Japanese men, they would somehow bond. This wasn't to be, because Tats was way too cool for any riff raff from the business strand. I don't think that Tats spoke much but this was a good tactic on his behalf, because he wasn't as pretty when he spoke. He had a large mouth from memory, and usually a large mouth comes with large teeth. I preferred it when he did his "blue steel" saunter across campus. Not opening his mouth and working it like it was the next casting call for America's Next Top Model. He was so ahead of his time.

In fact, Tats was a model. I actually think he was more focused on that career than learning how to be a fashion designer. I don't think he actually made it through the 3 years of the course. I guess Milan, Tokyo or some runway in a Westfield shopping centre was a bigger calling for him.

I believe Tats was the original H.A.M for me.