I becomes We becomes I again.

Ahh the joys of breaking up.  It is a time when every song seems to provide a hidden message to you.  You notice all the couples around you when you go out, that you were oblivious to when you were a couple too.  It makes you reflect on the relationship you've lost and how you can't simply share that thought you have because you are apparently no longer talking. So in short it sucks.

I guess it doesn't suck if you are the one who initiates the break up.  I've been on that end too, and although you feel a sense of relief, I still felt bad.  I think it takes less time for you to get over it though in that situation.

You are probably wondering how I broke up with someone that you didn't even know I was in a relationship with? I just wanted to keep it private and so I didn't blog about him.  I don't even know if he knows this blog exists and if it is written by me.  I won't go into, too much personal detail about him, apart from the fact that he is a good guy.  I felt extremely lucky to have met him.

Like many couples we thought that we could survive the dreaded "long distance" but unfortunately not.  I am disappointed as I was willing to try for longer but I think long term it is less pain?  No matter how I try and process it all, I feel sad.  Sometimes I feel angry but mostly sad.  It is daunting to think about the "singles scene" and all that it does and doesn't offer.  I still love my ex deeply though so I won't need to worry about that for a long time!

And yes in case you are wondering - he is Asian, hot and from a country I had never dated.  He taught me more than he probably thinks he did.  I don't want to be consumed by bitterness and so I will focus on the good times we had.  Sometimes, you might not  to be a "me" or an "I" and prefer to be part of a "we" but you just have to roll with the punches :)  It ain't all bad.

PS: Thanks to those who have supported me through this, you know who you are xo

G Dragon

Ahh Kwon Ji-yong aka G Dragon.  In case you don't know who he is, he's a Korean singer.  I don't know what it is about him, but I feel slightly obsessed.  Actually that is probably an exaggeration but I just find him so weirdly interesting.  I mean what is the story with his song about a crayon?  And his appearance?  Apparently he is considered one of the most fashionable stars in Korea.

I even found out he purchased a small hotel that his Father manages for him.  So now all I can think about is going to this hotel and hope that by some small chance he would happen to be there.  I have no idea what I would say or do if I saw him.  I am sure a situation which didn't end well for me and my ego would probably ensue.  Then he would have a very bad impression of Western girls and I would ruin it for all other Western girls behind me....Ha ha I am over dramatising something that will never happen!  However, maybe he likes reading blogs about Western girls crazy about Asian guys and see this?

AM + Accessories

Is it just me or do Asian guys embrace their accessories like no other race?  I am not saying it's a bad thing.  I think it's cool they accessorise and not feel ashamed of it.  These are the top accessories worn by Asian guys:

1.  Man bag: Asian guys are practical and if they need to carry a lot of shit, then why not have a man bag? Some are not as stylish as others but I guess women can have that problem too!

2.  Earring(s):  They seem to like the diamond stud.  Thankfully I haven't seen any sporting the old dangly cross, which was quite "hip" in the 90's.

3.  Neck attire: bow ties, ties, scarves....I think Psy has made bow ties kind of popular again.  I think some Korean guys probably like wearing them 'cause it makes them look cute/young/adorable?  I am sure I read somewhere that Korean singer G-Dragon started the trend for triangle scarves a couple of years a go.

4.  Glasses: The year before last it seemed every Asian and his 1 child were wearing the black rimmed glasses with the lenses pushed out.  And now it seems sunglasses are the thing to hide behind.

5.  Gold: necklaces, bracelets, watches...All to show wealth and status.  I personally am not a fan of the gold, gold that seems to be common in Asia.  I just don't like the colour and it looks a tad tacky sometimes.  Just look in the mirror before leaving home and if you look like "Mr T" you need to take something off!

Can you think of any other accessories?

Awkward moment #9

This awkward moment is from a while a go.  I hadn't lived in China or visited at this stage. I did have an interest in Asian guys but I was far less obsessed.

I was coming home from work one night, kind of late and got off the bus as did an Asian looking guy.  We proceeded to get the lift up to the road level so we could exit.  As soon as the lift doors closed he made some verbal moves and asked for my number.  I was taken a back as to how confident he seemed so I gave him mine.  I really couldn't believe he had the guts to ask for it.

We were supposed to meet up once or twice but it didn't happen until finally both our schedules cleared.  I remember work been draining and I nearly cancelled but thought I should at least go for a drink.  I drove as I didn't want to drink too much and have my judgement clouded by alcohol.

We met at a local bar and after a drink I started thinking it was time to leave!  I found out he was a bit younger which didn't really interest me and he was kind of slurring his words.  I thought - turn off!  I did learn though he was an 'ABC'. I had no idea what that meant until I embarrassingly had to ask - oops.

I left soon after and did worry how he was going to be able to drive.  After I was home for a while he sent me a text message saying to look up 'Friends with benefits'on the internet.  I replied that I didn't have internet at home (yep, I was that old skool).  All I could think, 'Crap he's one of those Amway people!'


The next day at work a colleague asked me how the 'date' went.  I proceeded to tell her how he was a 'pyramid seller' and how my suspicions about him been weird could now all be accounted for!  That's when she let out a big old laugh and let me in on the joke....Yep old mate ABC had been hitting me up for casual sex.  I was mortified.  I deleted his number.

Taiwan

So anyone readers from Taiwan or have been there?  Please let me know any places I should visit or see.  Also a heads up on where Jay Chou hangs out would be greatly appreciated xo

Awkward moments #7 + #8

I am not entirely pleased to announce that I was the cause of these awkard moments.  Basically I made two guys feel very awkward!  I guess it's not the first time and probably not the last either.

I went out and proceeded to drink.  Drink more on top of the existing wines I'd already downed back at the office.  I haven't drunk and being out at the same time for a very long time.  So anyways, as I drunk more, I got more confident/annoying (depending on how you look at it).

I spotted this cute Asian guy dressed in a white t shirt.  I went up to him and grabbed him by the arm.  He seemed shocked or maybe scared.  I didn't let that deter me!  I said to him, "Ooh hello there!"  and he turns and puts up his hand to say, "Oh sorry."  He thinks he is free to go but I march up to him and ask him where is he from? He tells me South Korea and adds on another "ooh sorry."  I guess  by now I realised the poor guy can't really speak English.  I could sense he felt uncomfortable and so I let him go back to his friends I think he was searching for when I accosted him.

He probably thought that was going to be end of our interaction but unlucky for him....It wasn't!  I saw him quite a few times over the course of the evening and I would give him little smiles,waves, "hello's".  Basically, the more uncomfortable he felt, the more I felt encouraged to help him with that feeling!  I thought it was hilarious.  In the cold light of day and now being sober, I realise the poor guy probably felt totally terrorised and awkward from my actions!  oops.  I guess he'll never go to that bar again.

The second awkward moment came with a local guy.  I spotted him and his muscles whilst I was on my way to the ladies room.  I thought he was on his own but as I got really close I realised he was probably with a small group of people near him.  However, I felt already committed to speaking to by this stage - I had positioned myself right next to him,  it would've been weird if I hadn't said anything.  I started the conversation with, "Hello there!" as I am peering at his muscles (I may have touched his biceps too but can't remember for sure).  Then I asked him where he was from (see any similarities in conversation 1 and 2? lol).  He was about to say which suburb, but I cut him off, "Oh no what's your backg..." then he cut me off, "Oh you mean originally? Philppines."  I then say, "Oh yes, nice. I like Asian guys."  His face seemed to project, "WELL THIS IS AWKARD, BUT I FEEL KIND OF FLATTERED."  I noticed he was looking at the group near him so I asked him if one of the girls was his girlfriend.  He said it was, so  abruptly ended the conversation and left.  He was probably relieved.

The Model

A few years a go I met a guy I just called "The Model" mainly because he told me he was a model.  He knew two words in English: model and fuck.  I may have taught him the second, I can't remember now.  He was tall, thin and in my very drunken state, ridiculously good looking.  Actually in hindsight he wasn't that good looking but it didn't really matter as I was usually drunk when I saw him.

We first met in a seedy underground (not underground in an indie rock kind of way, just literally underground) student club.  It was about 3am in the morning and I was slaughtered.  I'd been drinking for a solid 6 hours with work colleagues and I thought I looked hot.  In fact, I probably looked like a big old mess but apparently confidence attracts men who think they're are "models".  I was feeling him up like there was no tomorrow, I may have even tried to take his shirt off on the dance floor.  What can I say, I am full of class?

Over a course of several months we met up now and then.  He was always out which I later put two and two together that he was likely a "duck"/male prostitute/drink whore.  Basically a drink whore gets commission on the amount of alcohol they get patrons to buy at the clubs where they're employed.  It's usually done by females but some entrepreneurial managers do employ guys to do this as well (they're a lot of lonely married women, it's a good strategy!)  He always kept up the facade that he was a male model though, not a man whore. He did have a fascination with taking photos and would pose at any opportunity.  It was quite funny. Maybe he did model but he obviously wasn't a good one....

The last time I saw him before I left China at that particular time it was New Year's Eve.  He was rotten drunk and I was just drunk.  I allowed him to give me a New Year's pash but soon "lost" him as I didn't want him to come home with me.  I wasn't going to pay for the taxi, only to have him pass out on me!  He called and called but I ignored him.  My Chinese was/is pretty shite and so whenever in the past we'd talk it would be the same old questions: Where are you? I'm at home. Where are you? I'm at the bar. You want to come out? No. Bye. I couldn't be bothered trying to listen or speak Chinese to him that night. 

I sometimes think about him and wonder what he's doing.  His ability to remain a pretty face would be hard when he was exposed to smoke all night and drinking most nights.  It would mean that his earning potential as a male model would be lowered as each year passed.  No one wanted an old model.  He was 25 when we met and now he'd be 29 which is ancient in Chinese terms.